Sunday, March 29, 2009

Near tears all the time

Because the closer I get to going to Utah...the more tense and emotional I get...
I can't wait.
I am so overwhelmed, so tired of being alone, that the idea of being with Marc simply brings me to tears....or close to it.
I am hanging on by a thread...and simply counting the mins metaphorically speaking.
I can't wait.
I simply want to be with him, and to rest, to feel safe, and to feel like I am home again with my soul.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

My flowers today

I planted more Scarlet Milkweed, and Fern Lavender for the Butterflies...The Lavender will bloom year round here. I just need some mulch for the front bed, and it will be all set for the summer.
I put more dirt in Pennys pot, pulled all the dead limbs off of her, and watered her good a few days ago..

Friday, March 20, 2009

Upon that brief moment of insanity

There is simply no way in hell I'd let ex move in here to help with bills...his or mine.
Period, end of subject.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


No, terrified is the proper word.
I am terrified that Ex will lose his job in the downsizing...and without his child support payments I will be unable to meet my bills. terrified...because the present economy makes me fear for my safety.
Worried? No..terrified...about the future...because all I want is to make sure my daughter has a roof over her her school district..where I can maintain her until she graduates.
Worried? No...terrified.....that I will lose everything...
What shall I do? If ex loses his job...I'll ask him to move in and use the spare bedroom.
That would be AWFUL...
But unavoidable.
We deal with life hands us the cards

Wednesday, March 04, 2009


Appears to be losing steam.
She is acting clueless about normal every day things...
I am thinking to clean up this damn house...and move her in with me.
I don't know what else to do...I am alone in this struggle and bereft..because my sister left me here with this problem..
What to do...I'm the bearer of pain..thats my lot in life