Saturday, August 30, 2008

Update to my situation you guys know, I was so worried about so many issues, I cried myself to sleep thursday night.
Friday morning, the Drs office called, my letter was ready!
I flew down there, got the letter and took it immediately to my job to the HR person.
She read the letter and said, this is PERFECT...leave approved.
After that I felt light as a feather....such relief.
I went to Kmart and did a clothes shop for my sister, and got her a bunch of things.
I spoke to Mom and her yesterday afternoon, Mom said my sister was BEAMING when she saw the clothes and tried them on...they all fit.
I spoke to my sister and she said oh yes, they are GREAT.
What a relief....what a relief...
Now if I could only win Lotto...and relieve my financials worries...

Hurricane Gustav

I am torn. I am so grateful it isn't heading towards us, but where it ends up....I fear New Orleans is going to be destroyed this time.
And poor Cuba..getting lashed again.
The storm is predicted to be a Cat 4 by the time it hits Cuba.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Thursday, August 28, 2008

So worried

Dr hasn't completed the medical form for me to have family leave...and I'm getting VERY worried.
He seemed to think it was wrong to stop Mom from god she can't even get in and out of the car unassisted...
She's fallen twice in the last two weeks...been in the hospital twice in the last month, and the home care nurse said she is high risk..and that if I wasn't on family leave, they would be required to call Social Services because of her falls. ( basically because she lives alone, my sister is mentally handicapped and doesn't count, obviously)
So worried, I'm feeling ill..
I have three....yes three Drs. appts for her in the next two weeks..and I'm doing her food shopping, part of her laundry, taking her garbage out..and clothes shopping for her AND tomorrow I need to go clothes shopping for my sister..
Praying for assistance, praying for help..praying for money.
God please help me out here.
And a tropics update....another storm...Hanna

Activity in the Tropics today

You can monitor these yourself by clicking on the link to the right for the National Hurricane Center

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

New plantings today

Figured it was long past overdue to put Chiquita in the ground...
and the pineapple that got eaten by a critter...I just popped the crown in the ground with the remnants of the fruit still on it.
Chiquita is the big one in the back, and the one in the front is lol...
not short for Prudence either...


Just did my banking/bill pay online.
I check my bills every two weeks online.
My debt is sinking me, and I'm in debt to just survive..gas..groceries..used credit to cover repairs on car and house...
I'm sinking, slowly but surely.
I'm praying for something to help me out, but the one thing that would guarantee my freedom from debt would be for someone to die, like Mom, and I'd rather be in debt.
Trying to look forward and see something bright, but right this second I feel like crap and it looks pretty dim and dark to me.


Now forecast to pass between Jamaica and Cuba..and strengthen.
It weakened down to a Tropical storm after passing over Haiti..but will now be in the Caribbean sea and headed to the Gulf...warm warm waters.
I am fearful it will hit New this point there is no doubing that it will climb to a Cat 2 or 3 prior to landfall.
I am watching closely , because I've seen too many sure things suddenly to a 180, so I'm watching.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Tropical storm Gustav

Formed much more quickly than I expected
substained winds are 60 mph, and its forecast to become a Hurricane.
OMG....I'm just numb right now...I simply don't know what the hell to do if a Hurricane comes now, when everything is so messed up.
Shutters? I think this time gas and shutters...and the generator will need to be in place just in case.
Even if it doesn't hit us directly, we can still lose power.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

The Kitts

Took their one time visit to the Spay/Neuter clinic and are now officially neutered and spayed.
They are six months old, and it was time.
I never heard back from the S.P.O.T. program, so I couldn't put it off any longer.
I don't want any spraying by Edward, and the girls are certainly not going to have any its done.
210 dollars..gulp..but not bad ....
They were really nice at the clinic, and they ADORED the kitts...especially Edward who has a charming personality.
He was snuggling on the bed with me a few days ago..and was licking my fingers...then came up and licked the tip of my
Bellas eyes are now green, but Alice and Edward still have those china blue eyes...they are lovely.

The Boys

In bed rather early

Took some Nyquil, since I felt stuffy...and off to sleep I went.

Finally got up at 1155, and man did it feel good to just sleep till I was slept out.
Reading the stories about Fay, and the utter destruction she's caused...and thankful that when she passed over me, it was rather quickly.
Because we are still getting feeder bands from Fay, and the resulting storms and rain.
While at the school waiting for Rachel, there was a tornado warning in Ft Lauderdale at Port those feeder bands are nothing to laugh about.

Friday, August 22, 2008

One big benefit of being off work for Mom

I've been able to make time...most every day, to exercise.
Walked yesterday, gym today, had to take some Ibuprofen, lol, but still did it.
I ain't a kid no more thats for damn sure.
But hopefully by the time I go back to work, I'll be thinner and fitter than when I went out on leave.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Lifes odd twisting turns

So here I sit pondering the abrupt 360 times 6 my life has taken over the last month.
If you had told me that my sisters family was leaving, that I'd be solely responsible for mom and handicapped sister..
I'd have said you were freakin' nuts.
I was just sitting here, and feeling amazed at how much can happen in such a short space of time.
I've also pondered going back and editing the blog, removing things that are painful to me...or were painful to me..and decided not to.
You can't edit real life, and those things, those feelings, those events happened.
The one thing I did edit from the blog, and this was quite a while back, was Steve.
In retrospect, I should have left him in too, because he was a part of the transition to whats happened up till now.
So many seemingly disconnected events, that when I look back, are somehow woven together in a pattern.
And I'm in no way sure what the next step is...just that I am sort of bobbing along right now treading water. I'm unsure where to turn, but have no doubt the wind will nudge me in the right direction. Its done so up till now, even in its own painfully long twisting manner that took me so far out of my way so many times.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Ahhh finally

Storm update

The NHC.NOAA site must be jammed, I can't access it to see the latest satellite images.
Its been pouring since very very early...I woke at 540 am to a downpour with a huge crack of thunder...
I'm as prepared as I can be, and just waiting to see what exact path Fay will take.

My car is in the garage along with my cactus plants, and the laundry is all done.
Ex said he will come over if the power goes out, and get gas for me and set up the generator.
So..we wait.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Storm prep

Been busy all day. Got a walk in first thing, then came home to clean garage, and prep for storm.
Laundry all day, and there were a ton of towels to do because of the leak in Lil ones room from the clogged a/c drain line.
I have wet sheet rock in the garage, and hope it dries quickly before it rots or mildews..
Got to have all the clothes clean in case we lose power, need our clothes and towels etc.
Went to Publix to pick up a few things, and the store looked like it had been raided by mongrel hordes.
I only needed a few things, paper towels, a few bottles of water for the Fur kids and a couple of other odds and ends, so I got what I needed...
Oh and ciggies and wine, can't go thru a storm having a nic fit and sober now can I?
Lil one has been an absolute horror the last two days, and has brought me to tears more than once.
Its dreadfully hard to live with one person, and have that one person embarrass you, talk to you like you're dirt and be so friggin hormonal and 15.
Most of the time I brush it off, but under this pressure its getting to me hard.
Feel sick, palpitations and shaky...took my meds today, after I remembered I had forgotten them yesterday...
Filled the car up with gas, there were lines forming already, but I am lucky I have three stations by my house, and just went to another one with the same price.
I spent a fortune today, on food, gas, and boundless yards of psychic energy as well.
They cancelled school for tomorrow, so now Lil one wants to go out, and I just said NO...I am not going out again...I'm done for the day.
And the final straw, I had put a pot of lentil stew on, and almost two hrs later realized I had forgotten to turn the pot on, so I'll have no dinner.
It takes almost three hrs to cook properly, for the lentils that is and the flavors to I have no clue what I'm going to eat..
Oh lovely, yet another kid coming over, just what I need.

Fay update

She moves closer, and we wait and watch.
If need be...I'll have to get ex over here to help set up the generator
I'm hoping that won't be necessary
As of now, the Keys are under a Hurricane watch, we are under a Tropical Storm watch.
Tomorrow will be the decisive day. And they may delay the opening of school.
I'll keep ya'll updated

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Tropical storm Fay

Keeping a close eye on Fay. So far, its forecast to head over Cuba, and then up into the Gulf.
The forecast goes five days out, so it certainly can change.
I sit and wait, and watch

Thursday, August 14, 2008

One huge prayer answered

I've been worrying, about how I was going to get Lil one a car.
Well Mom today asked me, would Lil one like her car?????
Mom, finally came to the decision that she shouldn't be driving any more..and of course I said YES...she would LOVE to have your car.
So Mom said, ok..thats good, I'll sign it over to you.
Thank God...low mileage and in good shape, what more could I ask for..
It also gets better mileage than my vehicle, so I'll use it a few days a week to keep it running, and then when Lil one passes her driving test, I'll hand it over to her.
But thats not for almost another I'll begin to let her learn driving on that car vs mine..that only makes sense so she is used to it prior to when she needs to take the road test.
Wow...sad for Mom, happy for Lil one

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


Clay Walker...this song is so beautiful...
The lyrics speak to me.

And he is mighty easy on the eyes as I've just

Oh, look, there you go again
Puttin' on that smile again
Even though I know you've had a bad day
Doin' this and doin' that
Always puttin' yourself last
A whole lotta give and not enough take
But you can only be strong so long before you break

So fall
Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you
Everytime you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear,
Every worry, every tear,
I'm right here
Baby, fall

Forget about the world tonight
All that's wrong and all that's right
Lay your head on my shoulder, and let it fade away
And if you wanna let go, hunny, its okay

Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you
Everytime you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear,
Every worry, every tear,
I'm right here
Baby fall

Hold on, hold on,
Hold on to me

Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you
Everytime you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear,
Every worry, every tear,
I'm right here
Baby fall

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Problems with my songs

Going to have to reload lots of songs, one of my servers isn't working for I have to reload them thru Boxster

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Survival 101

Well...I've managed to survive my last few weeks of hell...and emerged on the other side tattered and worn, and more than a little frayed around the edges...but I'm ok.
Just tired, but thats nothing
Got Lil one, got Marc so my support system is feeling pretty good.
Of course Lil one is mostly useless in the house work department...but in general its ok because she loves me..and love is a huge help
So its wed...and I'm here and ok..
Hope my Blog faithful as still hanging around.

Friday, August 01, 2008


Beyond belief.
The burden of having the care of me, Lil one, and then add Mom and my sister to it..its beyond belief.
And I also managed to do something last night I haven't done in a while..and I took my anger and frustration out on Marc, he didn't deserve it. Yes I had too much to drink, and no I don't remember what I said, nor do I have any desire to go back and read any emails I may have sent. I'm too ashamed of myself.
I have so little support, that I don't want to alienate one of the few people who has been helping me deal.
What to do? Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and try to survive day by day