Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Snaps to me and thanks Lil Neo

I just went on to the Neo Counter website to change my skin...which you can all see is VERY COOL...its called darkness..and theres a grim reaper then flames...
Any way, when I went to the Neo website...I saw that my blog was one of Lil Neo's faves...
I have no clue if it was linked to mine to smoochie me...or if its a real fave...but if its a real fave then THANK YOU..
I am me...in my Blog I am me, 100% all of the time...
And the slow gentle creation of this blog and how it looks has been a work of love and time and art.
I'm still thinking and pondering on its appearance, along with my thoughts.
When I blog, dear blog faithful, its with utter and total honesty..and its me...
Totally me.
So if Lil Neo likes it...thats the biggest kudo I've gotten..lol
I have only one faithful commentator, and thats Rhapsody....
I know plenty of folks read faithfully, but never comment....
Thats cool...but it was SUPER cool to be a fave on Neo.com
Thanks Lil Neo


Lil ones Christmas feast was awesome. She is a fantastic cook, just like her dad.
I am sitting here just now, relaxing after a hard work out at the gym, and then cleaning the dishes up, laundry and such.
I am putting a lot more effort into the workouts due to my impending visit with Marc.
I may be fat, but I want to be as hard and firm as I can be under the curves..lol.
I have started doing the eliptical again, thirty mins again today, and as I get back into better aerobic condition I'll add the stair climber for a mix up of workouts.
I feel so much better when I'm working out regularly, and I have Lil one to thank, because she joined the gym she insisted we go several times, and then I've continued on days when she can't go, like today.

We are acting like a pair of lovesick teenagers, we both agree we are, and both agree its fantastic...
At our age too...lol...what a precious feeling.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas from The Tropics

Todays weather is icky...its 77 degrees right now with humidity of 92%!!!!!!
I have the air cranked up cooler than usual, because if we are going to be cooking in an hr or so, I need cool air!!!
The turkey is in the oven, and it is a pre-stuffed Butterball, I just hope the stuffing is good, but if not? Oh well. I have plenty of other stuff to eat with it.
Veggies, potatoes that Lil one is making from scratch, and Poppin' fresh dinner rolls.
Its the first ever complete holiday meal that I've attempted including making a turkey.
So keep your fingers crossed for me that it will be good.
I'll update later.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

I only want to be with you

Mary Isabel Catherine Bernadette O'Brien
BORN: April 16, 1939, Hampstead, London, England
DIED: March 2, 1999

Britain's greatest pop diva,
Dusty Springfield was also the
finest white soul singer of her era, a performer of
remarkable emotional resonance whose body of work spans the
decades and their attendant musical transformations with a
consistency and purity unmatched by any of her
contemporaries; though a camp icon of glamourous excess in
her towering beehive hairdo and panda-eye black mascara,
the sultry intimacy and heartbreaking urgency of
Springfield's voice transcended image and fashion,
embracing everything from lushly-orchestrated pop to gritty
R&B to disco with unparalleled sophistication and depth.

The above describes her to a "T"
And this is one of my fave songs of hers...and one I thought of most of the last hour when thinking of Marcus tonite.
Its Christmas Eve, and I want nothing more than to be with him.
Fitting then eh?

I only want to be with you, as performed by Dusty Springfield

I don't know what it is that makes me love you so
I only know I never want to let you go
'Cause you've started something
Oh, can't you see?
That ever since we met
You've had a hold on me
It happens to be true
I only want to be with you

It doesn't matter where you go or what you do
I want to spend each moment of the day with you
Oh, look what has happened with just one kiss
I never knew that I could be in love like this
It's crazy but it's true
I only want to be with you

You stopped and smiled at me
And asked if I'd care to dance
I fell into your open arms
And I didn't stand a chance
Now now hear me tell it
I just want to be beside you everywhere
As long as we're together, honey, I don't care
'Cause you've started something
Oh, can't you see?
That ever since we met
You've had a hold on me
No matter what you do
I only want to be with you

Oh, oh, you stopped and you smiled at me
And asked if I'd care to dance
I fell into your open arms
And I didn't stand a chance
Believe me honey
I just want to be beside you everywhere
As long as we're together, honey, I don't care
'Cause you've started something
Oh, can't you see?
That ever since we met
You've had a hold on me
No matter what you do
I only want to be with you
I said no matter, no matter what you do
I only want to be with you

Monday, December 08, 2008

Join me in fighting this outrage!!!!

I got this email from True Majority just now. I heard about this story earlier, and gladly sent my message so that the fat cats can hear MY voice and stop Bank of America from fucking over the people that the bailout money was supposed to help.

From my True Majority update email of today.
"Bank of America and Congressional leaders need to ensure that the Bailout Program be used to provide workers and companies with lines of credit to save workers' jobs"

Dear *****,

Last month, Bank of America accepted $25 billion in taxpayer funds as part of the Wall Street Bailout. Now they're refusing to release lines of credit and causing hundreds to lose their jobs. In Chicago, workers making energy efficient windows and doors at the Republic Windows and Doors plant came to work only to be told their factory was shutting down and they would not be receiving the pay owed to them.1

Hundreds of these laid-off workers have occupied their factory and are refusing to leave without receiving the benefits they rightly deserve -- they're staying in the office day and night in their quest for justice.

Tell Bank of America and Congressional leaders to ensure that the Bailout Program be used to provide workers and companies with lines of credit to save jobs.

Send a Message to Support the Workers Right Now

This is just the latest instance of banks taking advantage of the taxpayer funded bailout. Instead of using our funds to provide loans and credit lines to companies and workers on Main Street, Bank of America is focused on taking over other banks and padding their executives' bottom line.

These workers have become a symbol for everything that's wrong in our economy and they need our support right now. But, once this immediate crisis passes, we'll need to gear up to pass a Next New Deal for Main Street that will protect millions of other Americans struggling like these workers in Chicago.

Thanks for continuing to be vigilant,


Ilya Sheyman
TrueMajority Online Organizer

Copy and paste the link below to send YOUR message



Had to wash the "Dead" shirt...I've worn it every night since I got it in the mail...so I guess it was time...
Its just that it was Marc'ified and I liked having it on to sleep in..I know I'm weird.
I love scents and the idea of the closeness of sharing something he wore.
So now it will be all Tide fresh and not drenched with his shed dead skin cells...
Ahhh now thats Romance eh?

Now this is how toilet paper should be mounted!!!

This is the ladies room in my Mom's Publix.
Now this was mounted properly...not below the bar, where you have to perform your best Mary Lou Retton stretches in order to get to the paper...nor awe and amaze with your contortions.
Sheesh....why do so many places ( including my job at the hospital) have the paper mounted so low that you cannot easily obtain any?

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Tickets booked!

I'm flying to Utah on January 14th blog faithful, finally finalllllllyyyyyy
Wish me well, prayers welcome and especially think of me so I'm not having a panic attack before I board the plane...
I think I'll be ok...but who knows.
This is the first time I've flown since before Sept 11th, and only one of a handful of times I've flown alone.
I'm nervous, but excited too....
I think both of us are...

Monday, November 24, 2008

Belated Birthday Prezzies

Arrived today from UTAH!!!!!
WOOOO HOOOOOOOO I was like a kid on Christmas morning.
Pulled each thing out one at a time and loved every single thing.
There were things in there to protect me, items of clothing requested, and worn by the sender..lol...A Star Ruby to protect my gift from draining all my energy, and other items to ward and protect...a lover silver pen cover, with a turquoise on the tip. A sweatshirt, an orange tshirt also worn by the sender and my lightning crystal back here where it belongs..with me.
I am sitting here right now with my medicine bag on a silver chain, hanging between my breasts under a faded baggy Grateful Dead tshirt...and wearing a lovely silver ring that says "Love goes toward Love"
It fits perfectly on my ring finger..
I have to say, this years birthday was the very best I've had in a very very long time.

New plantings. I weeded and pulled all the old stuff out, also trimmed down the ornamental grass...
The new plants are several new Red Fountain Grass, and a new plant...Giant Dwarf Papyrus...we'll see how it goes.
I also stripped the fence clear of all the passion vines, I do that once a year...they grow back fast and furious so its ok
The butterflies were NOT happy with me when I did it, I felt bad...is that silly or what?
They were fluttering all around the wheel barrow that was filled with the vines that I had stripped off the fence.


"Forever" by Papa Roach

In the brightest hour of my darkest day
I realized what is wrong with me
Can't get over you. can't get through to you
It's been a helter-skelter romance from the start
Take these memories that are Haunting me
Of a paper man cut into shreds by his own pair of scissors
He'll never forgive her...he'll never forgive her...

Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever
Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever

Sitting by a fire on a lonely night
Hanging over from another good time
With another girl... little dirty girl
You should listen to this story of a life
You're my heroine-in this moment I'm lonely fulfilling my darkest dreams
All these drugs all these women
I'm never forgiven... this broken heart of mine

Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever,
Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever

One last kiss,
before I go
Dry your tears,
it is time to let you go

One last kiss (one last kiss)
Before I go (before I go)
Dry your tears (dry your tears)
It is Time to let you go

Because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever
Because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever

One last kiss (one last kiss)
Before I go (before I go)
Dry your tears (dry your tears)
It is time to let you go

One last kiss,
Before I go,
Dry your tears,
it is time to let you go,
One last kiss

Papa Roach

I do like this band....
While at the gym today, I got a good pumping rhythm while listening to their song
To Be Loved

"To Be Loved"

Listen up, turn it up and rock it out
party on, I wanna hear you scream and shout
this is real, as real as it gets
I came to get down to get some fucking respect
taking it back to hardcore level
you better be ready, put your pedal to the metal
taking it back to hardcore level
you better be ready, put your pedal to the metal.


Whoa I'll never give in
Whoa I'll never give up
Whoa I'll never give in
And I just wanna be, wanna be loved
Whoa I'll never give in
Whoa I'll never give up
Whoa I'll never give in
And I just wanna be, wanna be loved

I want domination
I want your submission
I see you’re not resisting
To this temptation
I’ve got one confession
A love deprivation
I’ve got a jet black heart
It’s all fucked up and it’s falling apart

Whoa I'll never give in
Whoa I'll never give up
Whoa I'll never give in
And I just wanna be, wanna be loved
Whoa I'll never give in
Whoa I'll never give up
Whoa I'll never give in
And I just wanna be, wanna be loved

I’ve got another confession
I fell to temptation
And there is no question
There was some connection
I’ve got to follow my heart
No matter how far
I’ve gotta roll the dice
Never look back and never think twice

Whoa I'll never give in
Whoa I'll never give up
Whoa I'll never give in
And I just wanna be, wanna be loved
Whoa I'll never give in
Whoa I'll never give up
Whoa I'll never give in
And I just wanna be, wanna be loved

Take your past and burn it up and let it go
Carry on; I’m stronger than you’ll ever know
That’s the deal; you get no respect
You’re gonna get yours
You better watch your fucking neck

Take your past and burn it up and let it go
Carry on; I’m stronger than you’ll ever know
That’s the deal; you get no respect
You’re gonna get yours
You better watch your fucking neck

Whoa I'll never give in
Whoa I'll never give up
Whoa I'll never give in
And I just wanna be, wanna be loved
Whoa I'll never give in
Whoa I'll never give up
Whoa I'll never give in
And I just wanna be, wanna be loved

Sunday, November 16, 2008


Sorry I haven't been blogging much
Its chilly today, a cold front moved thru and its 63, which for us in lovely and I'm COLD...lol
Back in NY it would feel like a balmy day at this time of year to be 63 degrees.
The holidays are fast approaching, and I don't know where this year has gone to.
Going to eat lunch, oscar meyer cheese dogs...lol...nutritious?
Prolly not. Cheap? HELL YES..

Monday, November 03, 2008

This is chilling....

NeoNazi plot to kill Obama and mass kill blacks

Everyone get out and vote!!!!!

Tomorrow is the day, the day to finally change the policy's of the Bush Admin.
And please, please...I do not mean offense to anyones beliefs, but Abortion is not, and cannot be the reason you choose to vote for a candidate.
Would it be acceptable to have Adolph Hitler as our Dictator so long as he was against abortion? Papa Doc? Idi Amin? HELL NO IT WOULDN'T.
God will settle with those who need to be settled with, and none of us can cast a stone, since we are all sinners
So please....open your minds to the issues.
I do not debate this issue, I am merely stating my view, and will not accept any invites to argue the issue.
Everyone agrees that murder and torture are wrong, but not everyone agrees on the abortion issue, ergo we as Americans must respect the founding ideals of this country to allow people freedom of choice.
We cannot force our religious beliefs on others, its that simple.
Church and State are separate, as Jesus said, render unto Caesar what is Caesars, render unto God what is Gods.

So vote!!!!
No matter WHO you vote for, VOTE....
Its our privilege and right as American citizens to choose who we want to represent us in this country, right or wrong on our choices.
I know who I'm voting for!!!!

Sunday, November 02, 2008

And thats when the fight started............

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...so, I took her to the gas station....

.....and that's when the fight started

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of beer for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.......

.......and that's when the fight started

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my
pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver
hair. She said, that silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me..and she processed my S.S. application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the SS office. She said 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too!

.........and that's when the fight started....

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes', I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!'says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
............and that's when the fight started......

my fav

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. (You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?) Yeah, well I couldn't believe it....he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you??'

............and that's when the fight started......

Friday, October 31, 2008

I know

That noone will ever love me as much as I love.
I know that.
I'm not worth that kind of love.
But I love fiercer and more intensely than most people I know.
So if someone accepts that love, and loves me in return, I'm grateful.
I know I'm not worthy of the kind of love that poets write of, or the songwriters

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

I adore Jack Cafferty

I used to watch him in NY when he did prime time news there. Watch his reaction to Sarah Palins babbling, and how he puts Wolf Blitzer in his place...its a hoot

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Finished my phone calls

Got hold of the other two offices...much good it may do me.
But as a constituent I had my say....
Last time I did that, was to protest Clintons impeachment. Enormous posturing and waste of MY money as a taxpayer.
Hell I'D BLOW CLINTON if he'd be President again, and I promise not to keep the spunked on dress.
Crude but true.

Eliot Spitzer, prostitutes and George "Dubya" Bush

This post directly generated after listening to a portion of the Thom Hartmann show today on Air America Radio local affiliate
Miami, Florida
940 AM
I listen to at least a portion of his show daily when I drive to pick Lil one up from school, or if I'm out doing errands.
Now, for my own personal view, since I am very familiar with Elliot Spitzer in the sense that I am originally from New York, and tried to be politically aware there as well.

I do not condone what Eliot Spitzer did, but I do believe he was outed and exposed to the public directly due to his being one of the sole voices crying in the wilderness about the financial practices that have helped to lead up to todays current crisis in Americas finances. ( along with the other states attorney generals who were ignored )
I no more care that he was soliciting prostitutes than I cared that Bill Clinton was receiving any "gratuities" from butt ugly, big toothed dumbass interns who have a thing for married men. Read on please, or not as you like. But we live in frightening times, and knowledge is power, and in this case ignorance is FAR from bliss.
From the Huffington Post
By Steven G Brant

The Huffington Post
September 25, 2008

Greg Palast was the first reporter to raise the potential connection between Eliot Spitzer being exposed for using prostitutes and his being the only voice against the Bush administration's planned bail out of Wall Street with billions and billions of taxpayer dollars. You can read Greg's March 14th article here.

One reason I am drawn to this story is that The Wall Street Journal ran a very interesting analysis by Alan M. Dershowitz on March 13th ("The Entrapment of Eliot Spitzer"). Here's the key part of Dershowitz's article:

There is no hard evidence that Eliot Spitzer was targeted for investigation, but the story of how he was caught does not ring entirely true to many experienced former prosecutors and current criminal lawyers. The New York Times reported that the revelations began with a routine tax inquiry by revenue agents "conducting a routine examination of suspicious financial transactions reported to them by banks." This investigation allegedly found "several unusual movements of cash involving the Governor of New York." But the movement of the amounts of cash required to pay prostitutes, even high-priced prostitutes over a long period of time, does not commonly generate a full-scale investigation.

We are talking about thousands, not millions, of dollars. We are also talking about a man who is a multimillionaire with numerous investments and purchases. The idea that federal investigators would focus on a few transactions to corporations -- that were not themselves under investigation -- raises as many questions as answers.

Even if Mr. Spitzer's derelictions were serendipitously discovered as a result of routine, computerized examination of bank transactions, the dangers inherent in selective use of overbroad criminal statutes remain. Money laundering, structuring and related financial crimes are designed to ferret out organized crime, drug dealing, terrorism and large-scale financial manipulation. They were not enacted to give the federal government the power to inquire into the sexual or financial activities of men who move money in order to hide payments to prostitutes.

Once federal authorities concluded that the "suspicious financial transactions" attributed to Mr. Spitzer did not fit into any of the paradigms for which the statutes were enacted, they should have closed the investigation. It's simply none of the federal government's business that a man may have been moving his own money around in order to keep his wife in the dark about his private sexual peccadilloes.

Dershowitz says "There is no hard evidence that Eliot Spitzer was targeted for investigation," but Spitzer was definitely in the Bush administration's face, so to speak.. having just published his own OpEd piece in The Washington Post, "Predatory Lenders' Partner in Crime: How the Bush Administration Stopped the States From Stepping In to Help Consumers", on February 14th. Here's an extensive excerpt from what Spitzer wrote:

Predatory lending was widely understood to present a looming national crisis. This threat was so clear that as New York attorney general, I joined with colleagues in the other 49 states in attempting to fill the void left by the federal government. Individually, and together, state attorneys general of both parties brought litigation or entered into settlements with many subprime lenders that were engaged in predatory lending practices. Several state legislatures, including New York's, enacted laws aimed at curbing such practices.

What did the Bush administration do in response? Did it reverse course and decide to take action to halt this burgeoning scourge? As Americans are now painfully aware, with hundreds of thousands of homeowners facing foreclosure and our markets reeling, the answer is a resounding no.

Not only did the Bush administration do nothing to protect consumers, it embarked on an aggressive and unprecedented campaign to prevent states from protecting their residents from the very problems to which the federal government was turning a blind eye.

Let me explain: The administration accomplished this feat through an obscure federal agency called the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency (OCC). The OCC has been in existence since the Civil War. Its mission is to ensure the fiscal soundness of national banks. For 140 years, the OCC examined the books of national banks to make sure they were balanced, an important but uncontroversial function. But a few years ago, for the first time in its history, the OCC was used as a tool against consumers.

In 2003, during the height of the predatory lending crisis, the OCC invoked a clause from the 1863 National Bank Act to issue formal opinions preempting all state predatory lending laws, thereby rendering them inoperative. The OCC also promulgated new rules that prevented states from enforcing any of their own consumer protection laws against national banks. The federal government's actions were so egregious and so unprecedented that all 50 state attorneys general, and all 50 state banking superintendents, actively fought the new rules.

But the unanimous opposition of the 50 states did not deter, or even slow, the Bush administration in its goal of protecting the banks. In fact, when my office opened an investigation of possible discrimination in mortgage lending by a number of banks, the OCC filed a federal lawsuit to stop the investigation.

Throughout our battles with the OCC and the banks, the mantra of the banks and their defenders was that efforts to curb predatory lending would deny access to credit to the very consumers the states were trying to protect. But the curbs we sought on predatory and unfair lending would have in no way jeopardized access to the legitimate credit market for appropriately priced loans. Instead, they would have stopped the scourge of predatory lending practices that have resulted in countless thousands of consumers losing their homes and put our economy in a precarious position.

When history tells the story of the subprime lending crisis and recounts its devastating effects on the lives of so many innocent homeowners, the Bush administration will not be judged favorably. The tale is still unfolding, but when the dust settles, it will be judged as a willing accomplice to the lenders who went to any lengths in their quest for profits. So willing, in fact, that it used the power of the federal government in an unprecedented assault on state legislatures, as well as on state attorneys general and anyone else on the side of consumers.

Hard evidence he was targeted? No. Reason he might have been? Only further investigative reporting can answer that question.

But then there's the curious nature of how The New York Times broke the Spitzer story, which was brought to my attention by Mark W. Adams at Dispassionate Liberal. Here's the part of this report that caught my eye:

Somebody at Justice found someone at the New York Times with as much integrity as Judy Miller, and "leaked" the name of Client 9. Somebody at the Times decided that a headline saying "Spitzer was caught with a hooker" wasn't nearly as productive as saying he was "linked to a prostitution ring." They didn't just want to expose a crime here. They wanted Spitzer destroyed.
Come on. Didn't they make it sound more like he was a pimp and not a john? And wasn't that exactly what the headline writers at the NY Times wanted? This was overkill.

I distinctly remember the use of this "linked to a prostitution ring" language when the story broke on Monday. That's how it was framed on the news channel playing in the offices of the Congresspeople I happened to be visiting. I remember first thinking to myself "He's running a prostitution organization on the side?", not "He went to see a hooker?".

Why did the Times use such language? Maybe their Public Editor can help answer that question.

I am writing this today because the only thing I've heard on the Sunday talk shows is about Eliot Spitzer's "crime"... his dysfunctional personality... (Actually, David Brooks wrote a brilliant analysis, The Rank-Link Imbalance, on this subject the other day)... and how we, Americans, should be happy to be rid of him.

While I am not condoning Spitzer's use of prostitutes in any way... what I am suggesting is that perhaps we should not be so quick to celebrate Eliot Spitzer leaving the American stage. He and his fellow State Attorneys General were on to something when they attempted to protect the American consumers from predatory lending several years ago.

The vastly under-reported story of how the Bush administration blocked that effort... combined with the fact that the Bush administration and the Federal Reserve has now done the exact opposite: acted to protect the banking/investment industry with $200 billion (and more to come?) of our money... is being drowned out by the Spitzer prostitution story.

Hey, NY Times... how about making how the Bush administration actively blocked efforts to protect Americans from predatory lending... and any possible connection between that story and Eliot Spitzer being caught... your next Breaking News story?

In referring to Eliot Spitzer's February 14th Washington Post essay, Greg Palast writes:

Spitzer wrote, "When history tells the story of the subprime lending crisis and recounts its devastating effects on the lives of so many innocent homeowners the Bush administration will not be judged favorably."
But now, the administration can rest assured that this love story -- of Bush and his bankers -- will not be told by history at all -- now that the Sheriff of Wall Street has fallen on his own gun.

Well, the Sheriff of Wall Street may have been silenced, but The New York Times and other papers are in a position to follow this story to its rightful conclusion. Will they? Only time will tell.

The link to the story itself is here
Sorry I'm too much of a dumbass to figure out how to put the link directly in the post, you'll have to copy and paste

Making my voice heard

Emailed my senators and congressional reps this morning to protest the humongous wall street bail out proposed by Mr George Dubya "I'm Rich and you're not so I don't give a shit about you" Bush.
I called Senator Mel Martinez, tried to call Senator Bill Nelson and Congressional Rep Debbie Wasserman Schultz but their voice mail boxes were full.
I'll try again in a bit. I did email them however.
I think I'm going to lose everything I've worked for, but I'll be damned if the greedy corporate bastards in Washington and Wall Street are going to take it from me without a fight.

Sunday, September 21, 2008


This system looks like its getting very organized. Keeping my eyes on it.
Sorry I haven't blogged in a few days. Theres been nothing much to report, which strangely is a good thing.
Other than being profoundly broke, I'm good

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Middle of the night call.....

He called a bit after 1am.
It was real nice...to just lay in the dark in bed when its all quiet and talk...and talk....and talk...lol.
We were on the phone for about 1.5 hrs...
When we talk, the time flys and it always amazes me when I finally realize how long we've talked for.
Hope he slept, don't think he did.

Possum Kingdom

Is added simply because I love the song....don't know why.
I find it somewhat erotic...would be a good song for de making of de hot monkey love lol...
Also, when he sings "Do you wanna die?" my interpretation of the use of the word die refers to "La petite mort"
That may not what it means at all...but thats what I THINK OF when I listen to this song..
Also added my ringtone, enjoy KoRn along with The Toadies
Possum Kingdom by The Toadies
Twisted Transistor by KoRn

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Cold hard Bitch

By Jet
I added this one specifically for someone, and Marc knows why.
Being quasi accused of something so base and evil, something that made me CRY...well..that takes a cold hard bitch.
Reordered my songs as well to reflect that.
I'm honest as the day is long, open and upfront. The ONLY time I may not tell the truth, and thats different from lying, is to save someone else from hurt at the sake of relieving any guilt I may have.
I'm not that cruel, nor do I care enough for MY feelings over someone elses in that situation.

Cold Hard Bitch by Jet

Gotta leave town
Got another appointment
Spent all my rent
Girl you know I enjoyed it

Ain't gonna hang around till there's nobody dancing
I don't wanna hold hands and talk about our little plans, alright!

Cold hard bitch
Just a kiss on the lips
And I was on my knees
I'm waiting, give me
Cold hard bitch
She was shakin' her hips
That's all that I need

Gonna check her out
She's my latest attraction
Gonna hang around
Wanna get a reaction

Gonna take her home cos she's over romancing
Don't wanna hold hands and talk about her little plans alright!

Cold hard bitch
Just a kiss on the lips
And I was on my knees
I'm waiting give me
Cold hard bitch
She was shakin' her hips
And I that was all that I need
I'm waiting give me
Cold hard bitch
Just a kiss on the lips
And I was on my knees

Yeah I'm waiting
Yeah I'm waiting
Yeah I'm waiting
Yeah I'm waiting


Cold hard bitch
Just a kiss on the lips
And I was on my knees
I'm waiting give me
Cold hard bitch
She was shakin' her hips
And I was all that I need
I'm waiting give me
Cold hard bitch
Just a kiss on the lips
And I was on my knees
I'm waiting give me

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Dreary day

To match my mood.
I woke up..tired as usual.
I have these recurring dreams where I'm trying to get back to work at a hospital I haven't worked at in so long its ridiculous.
Those dreams always exhaust me mentally....I have no clue why I have them, or why I will often dream that I am back at my moms house in NY..
I lived for ten years in my own home in NY, yet never dream of that house ever.
Who knows why we dream what we do.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008


Epiphany by Staind

Your words to me just a whisper
Your faces so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear

'Cause its always rainin in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

So I speak to you in riddles
'cause my words get in my way.
I smoke the whole thing to my head
and feel it wash away
'cause i can't take anymore of this,
I want to come apart.
or dig myself a little hole inside
your precious heart

'Cause its always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

I am nothing more than a little boy inside
That cries out for attention
yet I always try to hide
'Cause I talk to you like children,
Though I don't know how I feel
But I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed

'Cause its always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said


Where do the strong go when they need to be weak?
I read that in a story, and its a sentence I never forgot.
So where do the strong go when they need to be weak?


Can't ever get enough of Aaron Lewis and Staind.
Adore his voice and lyrics.


I sit alone and watch the clock
Trying to collect my thoughts
All I think about is you
And so I cry myself to sleep
And hope the devil I don't meet
In the dreams that I live through

Believe in me
I know you've waited for so long
Believe in me
Sometimes the weak become the strong
Believe in me
this life is not always what it seems
Believe in me
Cause I was made for chasing dreams

All the smiles you had to fake
And all the shit you had to take
Just to lead us here again
I never have the things to say
To make it all just go away
To make it all just disappear

Believe in me
I know you've waited for so long
Believe in me
Sometimes the weak become the strong
Believe in me
this life is not always what it seems
Believe in me
Cause I was made for chasing dreams

Its my life
Its my choice
Hear my words
Hear my voice
And just believe

I sit alone and watch the clock
Trying to collect my thoughts
And all I think about is you

If you Believe in me
life is not always what it seems
Believe in me
Cause I was made for chasing dreams

Believe in me
I know you've waited for so long
Believe in me
Sometimes the weak become the strong
Believe in me
This life is not always what it seems
Believe in me
Cause I was made for chasing dreams

Deep , dark depths

I've been thru one of the most traumatic periods of my life, over the last two years plus, and again intensely these last weeks.
I'm just escaping I think, to regroup and rest. Simply escape.
Sometimes I think its necessary to just escape.
The things I have to do, far outweigh the things I'd wish to do, or like to do.
So, I'll just soldier on...I'm good at that.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Hope this is good for a chuckle or two

How to Poop at Work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

*CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

*FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. Peo ple may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

*ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are a man and are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

*JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

*COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air tim e the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

*WALK OF SHAME* Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

*OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is Doggone proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

*THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)* A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identif y SAFE HAVENS.

*SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex.

This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering
the bathroom.

*TURD BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work.

If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

*CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

*SHIRLEY TEMPLE* A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied.

If you hear a SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the bathroom
immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

*WATERMELON* A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

*HAVANA-OMELET* A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

*AUNT BETTY* A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever...Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An AUNT BETTY makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty.

This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees!

The King Poop = This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Bali Belly Poop = You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.

Cement Block = You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.

Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) = Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else's house.

The Bungee Poop = The kind of poop that just hangs off your rear before it falls into the water.

The Crippler = The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang = The kind of poop that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

The Party Pooper = The giant poop you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise..



Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Disturbing dreams

Every night this week. Marc says they are a way for my mind to release stress, may well be, but it makes for a very unpleasant sleep at times.
The worst of them, usually work related. I simply dread going back to work now, and know I will have to eventually. But I dread it, I hate that place, and the people I work with have not...not one single one....contacted me to see how I'm doing.
Nice huh?

Need I say anything about this picture?

Monday, September 01, 2008

Another Palin story. This woman is a piece of work

Troopergate Could Dog Palin on Campaign
ANCHORAGE, Alaska (Sept. 1) -- Troopergate. It's a political he-said, she-said that has dogged Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin for nearly two months and is likely to do so for another two months leading to the Nov. 4 presidential election.
The little-known vice presidential candidate faces accusations of firing public safety commissioner Walt Monegan in what amounts to a messy Palin family drama dating to her pre-gubernatorial days. Monegan had refused to fire a state trooper who had gone through a messy divorce from Palin's sister.

The accuser is blogger and rental car executive Andrew Halcro, a Republican-turned-Independent who lost to Palin in the 2006 governor's race.
The accused is Palin, the rising Republican star with a clean-hands reputation who has the most to lose.
The man in the middle is former commissioner, Monegan, who says Palin never told him to fire the trooper, but he felt pressure to do so from members of her administration.
Then there's trooper Mike Wooten, who used a Taser on his stepson, Palin's nephew Payton. Wooten has been reprimanded for violating nearly a dozen laws and departmental policies since December 2001.
It's now in the hands of a state-hired investigator working for a Republican-dominated legislative committee that hopes to sort out the mess.
Palin steadfastly denies the allegations, and with her signature resolve, said she welcomes the investigation. "Hold me accountable," she challenge her critics.
With Palin now in the national spotlight as McCain's choice as running mate, the investigation could get more attention than the federal corruption probes involving Republican Sen. Ted Stevens and others that already is besetting this state.
"With this appointment, you've given an obscure investigation more national limelight than any grand jury," said Democratic consultant Dane Strother. "Think about it, if they come down on her, what is McCain going to do?"
McCain's campaign says it's not worried about the investigation. "The bottom line is Governor Palin has a proven record championing transparency in government and we are confident in that record," said McCain spokeswoman Maria Comella.

Monegan was fired in July, after he declined a transfer to become the director to the state's alcohol control board.
At the time Palin said she wanted the department to move in a new direction. But later, after Monegan said he felt pressured to fire Wooten, Palin at a news conference said Monegan wasn't a team player, didn't do enough to fill trooper vacancies and battle alcohol abuse issues in rural Alaska.
State lawmakers have long said they understand that Monegan and other commissioners serve at will, meaning they can be fired by Palin at any time.
But they want to know if Palin abused her power with the potential motives of this firing being personal rather than work-related.

I frankly am horrified by this story.

If John McCain (god forbid) is elected, this is the woman who would be second in line to the White House if something ( and he is after all 72 yrs old) happens to him. A 4oish yr old woman who has only been mayor of her small town, and governor of Alaska, which lets face it, offers nothing more than oil to McCains ticket.
They want to rape the Alaskan state, and this woman is a way to do it.
This is a disasterous turn of events.
Their daughter is likely being forced to keep the baby, and marry a young man at the age of 17 for making a mistake. Her life has been publicly held up for display, and her future set in stone by this woman...I know it happens still, but I'm saddened, tho not shocked. Palin doesn't agree with abortion for any reason, including rape or incest.
This is a mistake this family appears to be embracing as a political tool, which is why I think McCain chose her.
To win over the religious right.
Its appalling, its disgusting and its reprehensible that this young womans life is apparently the fodder for political aspirations.
To have to go thru this situation in public, and have her parents especially her Mother pontificating in public about a very private issue is HIDEOUS ...
Just my humble opinion of course, but this disgusts me.
Truly disgusts me.

Political Machine RNC
Palin Baby Shocker: Does It Matter?

Filed under: Featured Stories, 2008 President, Scandal, Republican Convention, Floor Fight, Sarah Palin

By Mark Impomeni
(St. Paul) - The Republican National Convention was rocked today by the revelation that Vice-Presidential nominee Governor Sarah Palin's eldest daughter, 17 year-old Bristol, is pregnant. The Palin family put out a statement saying that they are proud of their daughter and asking the media to respect her privacy.

"We have been blessed with five wonderful children who we love with all our heart and mean everything to us. Our beautiful daughter Bristol came to us with news that as parents we knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned. We're proud of Bristol's decision to have her baby and even prouder to become grandparents. As Bristol faces the responsibilities of adulthood, she knows she has our unconditional love and support.

Bristol and the young man she will marry are going to realize very quickly the difficulties of raising a child, which is why they will have the love and support of our entire family. We ask the media to respect our daughter and Levi's privacy as has always been the tradition of children of candidates."
Palin's nomination has brought a renewed energy to McCain supporters, especially among the religious and Evangelicals, important parts of the Republican base. Thus far, initial reports are that the story will not hurt the McCain campaign politically among this all-important group. Reached at the convention site, Erick Erickson, Editor of the influential RedState.com, said that the story may actually help McCain with the religious right. And Steve Dillard, a member of the National Catholic Steering Committee for the McCain campaign said that families of faith would embrace the Palins over the way they have handled the matter. "I think the daughter made the right choice and it shows that Gov. Palin has raised her daughter to respect the sanctity of life. Character is shown with how you act under difficult circumstances."

One GOP strategist agreed. "Palin is inoculated with religious voters. In the meantime this is something that makes her easier to relate to. She is not perfect. Her family isn't perfect. But they are loving. And they get through it together."

The Commissioner of the Alaska Department of Administration, Annette Kreitzer, said she hoped that the news would help other young girls know that it is OK to talk to their parents when they are in this difficult situation.

"I don't know the family well enough to comment beyond what Governor Palin has told Alaskans and Americans. What I'm pleased about is that Bristol was not afraid to talk with her parents about the pregnancy and I hope that other young women facing a similar situation would take courage in Bristol's decision to tell her parents. I've known a few young women who have faced this situation and I know it was difficult for them to discuss with their parents, but ultimately they and their parents were stronger for it."

Voters want to be able to identify with political candidates, and this story gives the Palin family something in common with thousands of American families. While no political campaign wants to lose control of its message, and there are indications that this story came out earlier than the McCain campaign might have liked, ultimately it does not appear to be one that the campaign should fear.

Alice's restaurant

Had become a holiday tradition when we were in NY..
WNEW F.M. would play this every year on Thanksgiving, and the whole family would listen to it and laugh...sing along...and laugh some more.
The wit and humor of Arlo Guthrie still holds strong today...
And I'm adding it to my music..
If its not your cup of tea..just click the forward on the player to skip it, its long lol..but I think I'll enjoy having it as my intro song for a bit.
Heres Arlo, then and now.


Has done precisely what they said she would...
Once the effects of Gustav stopped suppressing development, she has rapidly become a Cat 1 Hurricane.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed...AGAIN..that Hanna will not come here.
Theres also a depression out in the Atlantic..we'll be watching that as well.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Update to my situation

Well...as you guys know, I was so worried about so many issues, I cried myself to sleep thursday night.
Friday morning, the Drs office called, my letter was ready!
I flew down there, got the letter and took it immediately to my job to the HR person.
She read the letter and said, this is PERFECT...leave approved.
After that I felt light as a feather....such relief.
I went to Kmart and did a clothes shop for my sister, and got her a bunch of things.
I spoke to Mom and her yesterday afternoon, Mom said my sister was BEAMING when she saw the clothes and tried them on...they all fit.
I spoke to my sister and she said oh yes, they are GREAT.
What a relief....what a relief...
Now if I could only win Lotto...and relieve my financials worries...

Hurricane Gustav

I am torn. I am so grateful it isn't heading towards us, but where it ends up....I fear New Orleans is going to be destroyed this time.
And poor Cuba..getting lashed again.
The storm is predicted to be a Cat 4 by the time it hits Cuba.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Thursday, August 28, 2008

So worried

Dr hasn't completed the medical form for me to have family leave...and I'm getting VERY worried.
He seemed to think it was wrong to stop Mom from driving...my god she can't even get in and out of the car unassisted...
She's fallen twice in the last two weeks...been in the hospital twice in the last month, and the home care nurse said she is high risk..and that if I wasn't on family leave, they would be required to call Social Services because of her falls. ( basically because she lives alone, my sister is mentally handicapped and doesn't count, obviously)
So worried, I'm feeling ill..
I have three....yes three Drs. appts for her in the next two weeks..and I'm doing her food shopping, part of her laundry, taking her garbage out..and clothes shopping for her AND tomorrow I need to go clothes shopping for my sister..
Praying for assistance, praying for help..praying for money.
God please help me out here.
And a tropics update....another storm...Hanna

Activity in the Tropics today

You can monitor these yourself by clicking on the link to the right for the National Hurricane Center

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

New plantings today

Figured it was long past overdue to put Chiquita in the ground...
and the pineapple that got eaten by a critter...I just popped the crown in the ground with the remnants of the fruit still on it.
Chiquita is the big one in the back, and the one in the front is Pru...lol lol...
not short for Prudence either...


Just did my banking/bill pay online.
I check my bills every two weeks online.
My debt is sinking me, and I'm in debt to just survive..gas..groceries..used credit to cover repairs on car and house...
I'm sinking, slowly but surely.
I'm praying for something to help me out, but the one thing that would guarantee my freedom from debt would be for someone to die, like Mom, and I'd rather be in debt.
Trying to look forward and see something bright, but right this second I feel like crap and it looks pretty dim and dark to me.


Now forecast to pass between Jamaica and Cuba..and strengthen.
It weakened down to a Tropical storm after passing over Haiti..but will now be in the Caribbean sea and headed to the Gulf...warm warm waters.
I am fearful it will hit New Orleans..at this point there is no doubing that it will climb to a Cat 2 or 3 prior to landfall.
I am watching closely , because I've seen too many sure things suddenly to a 180, so I'm watching.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Tropical storm Gustav

Formed much more quickly than I expected
substained winds are 60 mph, and its forecast to become a Hurricane.
OMG....I'm just numb right now...I simply don't know what the hell to do if a Hurricane comes now, when everything is so messed up.
Shutters? I think this time gas and shutters...and the generator will need to be in place just in case.
Even if it doesn't hit us directly, we can still lose power.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

The Kitts

Took their one time visit to the Spay/Neuter clinic and are now officially neutered and spayed.
They are six months old, and it was time.
I never heard back from the S.P.O.T. program, so I couldn't put it off any longer.
I don't want any spraying by Edward, and the girls are certainly not going to have any kittehs...so its done.
210 dollars..gulp..but not bad ....
They were really nice at the clinic, and they ADORED the kitts...especially Edward who has a charming personality.
He was snuggling on the bed with me a few days ago..and was licking my fingers...then came up and licked the tip of my nose...lol.
Bellas eyes are now green, but Alice and Edward still have those china blue eyes...they are lovely.

The Boys

In bed rather early

Took some Nyquil, since I felt stuffy...and off to sleep I went.

Finally got up at 1155, and man did it feel good to just sleep till I was slept out.
Reading the stories about Fay, and the utter destruction she's caused...and thankful that when she passed over me, it was rather quickly.
Because we are still getting feeder bands from Fay, and the resulting storms and rain.
While at the school waiting for Rachel, there was a tornado warning in Ft Lauderdale at Port Everglades...so those feeder bands are nothing to laugh about.

Friday, August 22, 2008

One big benefit of being off work for Mom

I've been able to make time...most every day, to exercise.
Walked yesterday, gym today, had to take some Ibuprofen, lol, but still did it.
I ain't a kid no more thats for damn sure.
But hopefully by the time I go back to work, I'll be thinner and fitter than when I went out on leave.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Lifes odd twisting turns

So here I sit pondering the abrupt 360 times 6 my life has taken over the last month.
If you had told me that my sisters family was leaving, that I'd be solely responsible for mom and handicapped sister..
I'd have said you were freakin' nuts.
I was just sitting here, and feeling amazed at how much can happen in such a short space of time.
I've also pondered going back and editing the blog, removing things that are painful to me...or were painful to me..and decided not to.
You can't edit real life, and those things, those feelings, those events happened.
The one thing I did edit from the blog, and this was quite a while back, was Steve.
In retrospect, I should have left him in too, because he was a part of the transition to whats happened up till now.
So many seemingly disconnected events, that when I look back, are somehow woven together in a pattern.
And I'm in no way sure what the next step is...just that I am sort of bobbing along right now treading water. I'm unsure where to turn, but have no doubt the wind will nudge me in the right direction. Its done so up till now, even in its own painfully long twisting manner that took me so far out of my way so many times.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Ahhh finally

Storm update

The NHC.NOAA site must be jammed, I can't access it to see the latest satellite images.
Its been pouring since very very early...I woke at 540 am to a downpour with a huge crack of thunder...
I'm as prepared as I can be, and just waiting to see what exact path Fay will take.

My car is in the garage along with my cactus plants, and the laundry is all done.
Ex said he will come over if the power goes out, and get gas for me and set up the generator.
So..we wait.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Storm prep

Been busy all day. Got a walk in first thing, then came home to clean garage, and prep for storm.
Laundry all day, and there were a ton of towels to do because of the leak in Lil ones room from the clogged a/c drain line.
I have wet sheet rock in the garage, and hope it dries quickly before it rots or mildews..
Got to have all the clothes clean in case we lose power, need our clothes and towels etc.
Went to Publix to pick up a few things, and the store looked like it had been raided by mongrel hordes.
I only needed a few things, paper towels, a few bottles of water for the Fur kids and a couple of other odds and ends, so I got what I needed...
Oh and ciggies and wine, can't go thru a storm having a nic fit and sober now can I?
Lil one has been an absolute horror the last two days, and has brought me to tears more than once.
Its dreadfully hard to live with one person, and have that one person embarrass you, talk to you like you're dirt and be so friggin hormonal and 15.
Most of the time I brush it off, but under this pressure its getting to me hard.
Feel sick, palpitations and shaky...took my meds today, after I remembered I had forgotten them yesterday...
Filled the car up with gas, there were lines forming already, but I am lucky I have three stations by my house, and just went to another one with the same price.
I spent a fortune today, on food, gas, and boundless yards of psychic energy as well.
They cancelled school for tomorrow, so now Lil one wants to go out, and I just said NO...I am not going out again...I'm done for the day.
And the final straw, I had put a pot of lentil stew on, and almost two hrs later realized I had forgotten to turn the pot on, so I'll have no dinner.
It takes almost three hrs to cook properly, for the lentils that is and the flavors to blend..so I have no clue what I'm going to eat..
Oh lovely, yet another kid coming over, just what I need.

Fay update

She moves closer, and we wait and watch.
If need be...I'll have to get ex over here to help set up the generator
I'm hoping that won't be necessary
As of now, the Keys are under a Hurricane watch, we are under a Tropical Storm watch.
Tomorrow will be the decisive day. And they may delay the opening of school.
I'll keep ya'll updated

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Tropical storm Fay

Keeping a close eye on Fay. So far, its forecast to head over Cuba, and then up into the Gulf.
The forecast goes five days out, so it certainly can change.
I sit and wait, and watch

Thursday, August 14, 2008

One huge prayer answered

I've been worrying, about how I was going to get Lil one a car.
Well Mom today asked me, would Lil one like her car?????
Mom, finally came to the decision that she shouldn't be driving any more..and of course I said YES...she would LOVE to have your car.
So Mom said, ok..thats good, I'll sign it over to you.
Thank God...low mileage and in good shape, what more could I ask for..
It also gets better mileage than my vehicle, so I'll use it a few days a week to keep it running, and then when Lil one passes her driving test, I'll hand it over to her.
But thats not for almost another year...so I'll begin to let her learn driving on that car vs mine..that only makes sense so she is used to it prior to when she needs to take the road test.
Wow...sad for Mom, happy for Lil one

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


Clay Walker...this song is so beautiful...
The lyrics speak to me.

And he is mighty easy on the eyes as well...as I've just discovered..lol

Oh, look, there you go again
Puttin' on that smile again
Even though I know you've had a bad day
Doin' this and doin' that
Always puttin' yourself last
A whole lotta give and not enough take
But you can only be strong so long before you break

So fall
Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you
Everytime you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear,
Every worry, every tear,
I'm right here
Baby, fall

Forget about the world tonight
All that's wrong and all that's right
Lay your head on my shoulder, and let it fade away
And if you wanna let go, hunny, its okay

Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you
Everytime you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear,
Every worry, every tear,
I'm right here
Baby fall

Hold on, hold on,
Hold on to me

Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you
Everytime you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear,
Every worry, every tear,
I'm right here
Baby fall

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Problems with my songs

Going to have to reload lots of songs, one of my servers isn't working for songs..so I have to reload them thru Boxster

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Survival 101

Well...I've managed to survive my last few weeks of hell...and emerged on the other side tattered and worn, and more than a little frayed around the edges...but I'm ok.
Just tired, but thats nothing new..lol
Got BFF..got Lil one, got Marc so my support system is feeling pretty good.
Of course Lil one is mostly useless in the house work department...but in general its ok because she loves me..and love is a huge help
So its wed...and I'm here and ok..
Hope my Blog faithful as still hanging around.

Friday, August 01, 2008


Beyond belief.
The burden of having the care of me, Lil one, and then add Mom and my sister to it..its beyond belief.
And I also managed to do something last night I haven't done in a while..and I took my anger and frustration out on Marc, he didn't deserve it. Yes I had too much to drink, and no I don't remember what I said, nor do I have any desire to go back and read any emails I may have sent. I'm too ashamed of myself.
I have so little support, that I don't want to alienate one of the few people who has been helping me deal.
What to do? Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and try to survive day by day

Wednesday, July 30, 2008


Saving Abel

I'm so addicted to
all the things you do
when you're going down on me
in between the sheets
all the sounds you make
with every breath you take
its not like anything
when you're loving me

oh girl lets take it slow
so as for you well you know where to go
i want to take my love and hate you till the end

its not like you to turn away
from all the bullshit i cant take
its not like me to walk away

i'm so addicted too all the things
you do when you're going down on me
in between the sheets
all the sounds you make
with every breathe you take
its not like anything
when you're loving me


i know it was getting rough
all the times we spend
when we try to make
this love something better than
just making love again

its not like you to turn away
all the bullshit i cant take
just when i think i can walk away,

i'm so addicted to all the things
you do when you're going down on me
in between the sheets
all the sounds you make
with every breathe
its not like anything

i'm so addicted to the things you do
when you're going down on me
all the sounds you make with every breath you take
its not like anything when you're loving me
when you're loving me

i can not make it through
all the things you do
theres just got to be more than you and me

i'm so addicted too all the things you do
when you're going down on me
in between the sheets
all the sounds you make with every breath you take
its not like anything
its not like anything

i'm so addicted too
all the things you do
when you're going down

all the sounds you make with every breath
you take its not like anything
i'm so addicted to you
addicted to you

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Take my anger away

Anger at the sister who left without caring that she left me in charge of an elderly ailing mom and a mentally handicapped sister
Take my anger away, about a childhood where I was never hugged...kissed..or told I was loved.
Take the anger away please Father...of so many things in the past and present, that there is no answer for, and no rhyme or reason.
Take it away please
And PLEASE...let me not have to come back again..
Let my time on this earth be my last...and let me be DONE..
Because this life has been to hard, too long and stressful.
Not enough love , not nearly enough love.
And more than enough pain, sorrow and loss.
I'm done DONE..and don't want to come back.
Take my anger away dear Lord...please.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

What is a Mom

She is elderly
She is frail
Her strength is flagging, yet her face seems serene and untroubled.
She says shes tired, had enough and wants to fall asleep and not wake up.
And unlike so many I see at work, I say to her...I know..
I won't let them hurt you...I promise.
What is a Mom?
She is more than the womb, more than the cells that she had to give you.
She is someone you hate one day, and love the next.
And she is someone who when she is gone, you will miss...and forget most of the bad.
What is a Mom then...
The most precious, tyrannical, overbearing, supportive, and complex person you will ever meet in your life.
And I'm blessed to be amongst those ranks..
And despite all the sorrow and struggles I've been thru, I know that in no small part, Mom was the one who showed me how to survive without a man, how to get by with what you have, and how to thank God for the blessings you've received. And how to bow your head and soldier on when God says no...not this time.
And...she has shown me......when its time to let go.
Thats a Mom.
Thanks Mom. I've loved you, hated you, laughed with you and traveled thousands of miles with you in your lil car Sylvia.
And I miss you already as you fade away..
Thanks Mom

About Beauty

For Me..

The beauty of the face and body is only ephemeral
What shines forth from the heart and soul is eternal
Thoughts and ideas of beauty, alter without reason or rhyme
The glory of the spirit mocks and forever transcends time
The Goddess who made us each, had no ideals in her plan,
No age, no beauty, nor ugly, merely woman and man
The Lilly is pale and fair, many praise its beauty
But there are others to whom we also owe duty
Pansies and roses can be dark in their parts
should we then, deny them our hearts?
so judge not any person by their physical whole
rejoice and enjoy them for what they show of their soul

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Lil one

All better....still on antibiotics but all better.
I feel today more of a sense of peace than I've felt in a very long time.
And the absolute certainty that no matter what happens, its for the best, and that I just need to flow with the current, and go with what happens.
Its my Karma...
And I'm so grateful that I was able to finally submit to that.
So despite my fears...despite my worries..despite my aching loneliness inside my heart..I can thank God for the things I have...and wait for the things I need.
Thats the way of it...at least thats what I think

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Lil one

Has spent the last two days doing nothing but sleep.
I got her a vanilla milkshake today, she woke up to drink that, take some tylenol and crash again.
I had to wake her this morning to take her antibiotic.
Rest is good, gets her better.
And with the social whirl she's been on for these past numerous weeks, she's likely catching up on just normal sleep as well.
And since the kits were at Petsupermarket today for their vaccines, they had a stressful morning as well..
When I got home, she grabbed her pillow and blankets off my bed, and went into her own bed for the first time in two days, where silence has reigned for the past several hrs.
I think all my babies are sleeping...lol..
Kits are all updated with their vaccines now, including rabies, so I can go ahead and get them fixed ASAP
I hope I hear from the S.P.O.T. program soon, they give a ten dollar voucher for spaying/neutering if you meet the criteria.
I tried calling yesterday, no answer.
I guess I'll have to try again on Monday.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Rescue mission

I woke up, and the phone rang...yes I woke up first.
It was Lil one...at the movies seeing the first midnight showing of Dark Knight, she had said she didn't feel good, now was feeling dreadful.
Could I come pick her up.
Of course, I'll be right there.
Her Boyfriend was with her outside, and she got in the car and said Mom, hurry, I'm going to throw up.
We both knew what that meant.
Strep Throat.
She ALWAYS pukes when she gets strep.
Shes in my bed now, with tons of blankets and a bowl next to her, and I gave her a Drixoral.
She sipped on some chicken broth to help either settle her stomach or give her something to throw up.
I put on a pot of coffee...I'm tired but I think I'll be up for a bit..
Once you get so AWAKE like that...its tough to wind back down.
Her temp is 103.2 poor kid..
Looks like a shot of 'cillen in the butt for her today.
I'll call the pediatricians office as soon as they open to make an appt.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

If love ever gives me another try

God this is so true, I could sob...And its a truth I live with.
I'm a closed door..Too much baggage...too much water under the bridge

All the things I felt and never shared.
All the times she was lonely with me there.
Tears I wouldn't let fall from my eyes, and how I let her go without a fight.

The reasons Im alone I know by heart, but I dont wanna spend forever in the dark.
I swear next time Ill hang on for dear life. If love ever gives me another try.

Theres no changin things that we regret,
the best that we can hope for is one more chance.
If the hands of time could just move in reverse, I wouldn't make the same mistake again with her

The reasons Im alone I know by heart, but I dont wanna spend forever in the dark.
I swear next time Ill hang on for dear life. If love ever gives me another try.

The reasons Im alone I know by heart, but I dont wanna spend forever in the dark.
I swear next time Ill hang on for dear life. If love ever gives me another try.

Oh if love ever gives me another try

Depression forming

From the National Hurricane Center


Saturday, July 12, 2008

Please tell me why

An oldie but a goodie.
Lyrics also on the blog in the past...again, search em out if you want em.
Blink 182

Friday, July 11, 2008

Men on Tv

Can I have yo' number????

Animal I have become

Three Days Grace
They opened the show with this song, got the crowd to its feet and induced a rhythm that lasted for the rest of their time on stage.
These guys are awesome...and Adams voice is hypnotic and enticing.

I can't escape this hell
So many times i've tried
But i'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal, this animal)

I can't escape myself
(I can't escape myself)
So many times i've lied
(So many times i've lied)
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell

(This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal I have become)

Self Esteem

I put the lyrics on the blog in the past...search em out if you want...
This is Offspring


Smashing Pumpkins


My reflection, dirty mirror
There's no connection to myself
I'm your lover, I'm your zero
I'm the face in your dreams of glass
So save your prayers
For when we're really gonna need'em
Throw out your cares and fly
Wanna go for a ride?

She's the one for me
She's all I really need
Cause she's the one for me
Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
And cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
Intoxicated with the madness, I'm in love with my sadness
Bullshit fakers, enchanted kingdoms
The fashion victims chew their charcoal teeth
I never let on, that I was on a sinking ship
I never let on that I was down
You blame yourself, for what you can't ignore
You blame yourself for wanting more
She's the one for me
She's all I really need
She's the one for me
She's my one and only

Thursday, July 10, 2008

This evening

Took Lil one and her friend V to the movies ...they met her boyfriend..lol..I still can't think of her having a boyfriend without a little laugh...so young...
I took a nice shower, put my lounging clothes on and watched The Chronicles of Riddick for the "nth time..
Now I'm watching Animal Police Miami.
Sipping on a nice Cab Merlot blend and relaxing...
Trying to forget the check I wrote earlier for 350$ for her replacement retainer...groan...
Ex has to pay half, regardless of what HE thinks...
Its in the divorce decree sucker..
Got my furry kids here, the boys and the kits...who I let out earlier to run amuck...
They wrestled and ran so much that Alice was sitting on the living room floor actually panting...lol lol.
I am going to mail my application out tomorrow to the county, to hopefully get a voucher for ten dollar spay/neuter thru the program they have to sterilize animals.
I hope I fit their criteria.
For a change, my mind is somewhat peaceful and at rest tonite....possibly due to people I can vent to...Its priceless...simply priceless.
And knowing that if I left here, I'd be missed dreadfully

So far today

Lil one and I had Orthodontist appts..this was my last one unless I have a problem.
Lil one had to get a new retainer, her friends dog chewed hers up.
I hope insurance pays good...
Then it was off to the Pembroke Lakes Mall and ( shudder ) Victorias Secret where Lil one likes to get stuff, and I actually love their Body Sprays, some of them smell amazing.
But I always feel OLD in that store...lol..its really become totally geared to teens and twenty somethings.
Then it was Target for underwear, again for Lil one ( altho I picked up a few things too, Hello my name is Melodybleu and I am an underwear addict )
I must have at least 100 pr of underwear, my one fetish ( that I admit to anyway )
I've met others of my kind, we are an understanding breed when we speak of this issue..
My rules: No thongs, ever NEVER.
Thongs were invented by a man obviously, and the idea of deliberately putting something in the very place I occassionally need to pull my underwear OUT of is not my idea of comfort..
100% cotton, always and the more cottony the better. Lets face it, soft cotton feels good..
As many colors and patterns as possible, including your basic white of course..lol
NO BIKINIS...why bother, just like with thongs, I'd rather just go commando...
And last but not least, NO GRANNY PANTIES..
They just ain't right.
For the person who has never shopped for ladies panties, it can be a frighteningly scary world
Low rise
Hi Cut
Hi Cut brief
Boy short
Sport brief
Hi cut sport brief
Those are just the styles I can think of off the top of my head.
And thats because I was forced to see every single blessed one as Lil one shopped.
Thank god its done for a few months.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

The story of Pink

One November morning, when I turned four, I awoke to the most amazing and wonderful surprise I'd ever had.
Teddy was Pink, and almost half my size...and my Daddy had gotten him for me.
It was 1962, Hollywood Florida, and I had my birthday there that year as I was to for a few more years..and Teddy was the wonder of them all.
I slept with Teddy for years. I told him secrets, and when needed cried into his soft pink fur.
I have no shame in admitting that I slept with Teddy until I was a teen, or older..I don't really remember how old I was when that stopped.
But Teddy was my protector, my soul mate, my secret keeper.
At some point in the eighties, I found out about a woman who was a teddy bear lover.
Her husband was wealthy, ergo she had the resources to do what she loved.
She was the Teddy Bear Doctor.
I took Teddy to her. She reformed his flattened snout. She gave him a new felt tongue, which had long been worn away.
She fluffed his ears, one of which had a lil bell.
And she told me he was delicate, and that it was a matter of time.
When we were packing to move to Florida, I had to make a decision on many things.
When I touched Teddy, whom for some unknown reason I now called Pink, the fur fluffed away.
There were no hugs to be had, no fondling available.
So I had to make a choice, and I'm sad to say...
It has made me a person who is very tactile. THINGS are important to me as far as touch.
Lil One gave me one of her blankies a while back. I have no shame in stating I sleep with it still. I slept with it when Ex was still here.
That Blankie gave me more love and comfort than he EVER did.
The jist of the story.
I miss Teddy
I miss Pink.
I wish I had just kept him,,,and even if I could'nt touch or hold him....I could see him.
All I have ever wanted in my life was unconditional love.
I've never gotten it anywhere....
Except from Teddy...from Pink.
I've got love from my lil one.
But thats different.'
My whole life, since I can remember...all I ever wanted was love. Someone who loved me as much as I loved them.
And I could deal with the rest of lifes bull.
And thats something I've never had, and never will.
Thats the story of Pink.