Sunday, December 31, 2006

For public consumption again....

DH knows why.....

When I wake in the morning…
I wait to see if my life is the same
Is the soft comfort I feel the chenille of my spread?
Or of love..I wait to see

When I wake in the morning…
I curve around my pillow
Blindly reaching out with my hand
To find nothing..but the chenille of my spread

When I wake in the morning..
It’s the buzz of the alarm
It’s the warning to rise…and not be late
For the effort that pays for my life

When I wake in the morning
It’s a slide up from the dreams
That I had the night before
Of a different reality…happy

When I wake in the morning..
Oh when I wake
I hope for a better day…
I hope for ..a better life

And when I wake in the morning
I pray for
I pray for fulfillment
I wake and wish I could sleep again

And to not wake in the morning



So let me sleep

Saturday, December 30, 2006


Looks kind of like me from the neck up...LOL
Anyway,DH and I had a major misunderstanding...leading to a godawful week of SILENCE..
But everything is ok again....more than ok...
So I want to put his words to me back on the blog where they belong

The first

One plus one is one

There are billions of souls, all know this to be true
But in all of the worlds, There is but one you
The universe a beach, and each soul one stone
Tumbled one on another, yet each is alone
There is one for you, this is foreseen,
Thou art a lady, No thou art a queen
You deserve a Knight, all wrap’t in his armor
To come to you and offer his honor
I say this now, It may save you some sorrow
I live day by day, for me there’s no morrow
Don’t hate me J****, and try not to frown
Tis best you forget this old wounded clown
One final line, this rhyme to end
May I still think of you as my friend

The second

It may never be whole, and have but half a life
A person’s wounded soul, lost in a world of strife
But it has found a way, a small means to cope
It exists day to day, but still wishes it could hope
It is afraid to love or to share, It believes it knows the cost
Seems for whomsoever it does care, to him, she will be lost
Little Mariposa, whose starry wings, ever drive back the night
Your spirit, heart and other things, have a never failing light
You lascivious sprite, with your keen and winning wiles
To him you've shown a little light, and given him some smiles
But he wishes not to cause you hurt, and ere he cause you pain
T’were better that you knew him not, nor spoke to him again
Without her, he had no heart, he lied and hated within his soul
She gathered each and every part, and then she made him whole
She left him one true gift, like unto an epiphany
Tho his heart is rift, he must live with honesty
Please be not mad, at what I say, for it attracts me like a lure
It is not sad, if day to day, you remind me so much of her
When you talk, type and write, those words from your hands
The things you say, you little sprite, loosen from my heart the bands
So should we never meet, or if we have a parting of the ways
I will always recall a friend so sweet, as to have lightened up my days

Marc - Nov 23 2006

The third


The frigid part around his heart, that icy sword inside his chest,
That polar cold within his soul, many nights denies him rest.
It ever tries to freeze him all, but that lonely soul still takes one stance,
A belief that there has to be a call, of Love and yes, of Romance
That frozen demon denies those things, and tries to make him blind,
to that other place where a lady sings, her spirit so pure and kind.
The arctic voice says 'ignore the call', be it woman, lady, or girl
For it knows , among us all, a woman's love can thaw the world
Now some mornings he greets the day, He sees it with new eyes
And ignores what the cold words say, no matter how it tries
to drag him down, and back within it's frozen maw
for now he has been shown, there can be a thaw
but so you know without a doubt, these poor rhymes I make
To all around I shout, there for the Lady by the Lake

Thursday, December 28, 2006


Was supposed to be here at 8am
It is now 930 and he just CALLED five mins ago that he is still looking for pipe for my job..
Louise called me from work this morning and asked me if I wanted o.t. today..damn I could have used that money too.
As soon as his helper arrives I want to mow the lawn..

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Blog on hiatus

I am completely incapable right now of being creative or caring about the blog right now..
I'll be back eventually

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Christmas presents ordered....

Thank god for got most of what she wanted directly thru amazon or one of their partners.
The only difficult item was the DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION EXTREME with two dance pads..LOL
Good lord that was a toughie..the site was obviously busy as hell...but eventually I got it ordered..
The list of the books she wants is the longest part of her christmas wants....isn't that cool?

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

A visit again to Mount Washington

While its 77 degrees here...sunny with fluffy white clouds galore...I pay a visit to the Mount Washington home page.home of the most severe weather ever recorded on earth..

My books are my friends

companions and compatriots. I re-read them and know some of them as well as I know myself..
This is the center third of my custom shelves that dh built when he still loved me...LOL
Books, pictures and my beloved teddy bears
Here be the dragon riders of pern, the thomas covenant trilogys, will shakespeare and robert frost...nestled next to pablo neruda
here is nancy drew, trixie belden and the robots of Isaac Asimov.
And here is my daddy holding me as a baby..and me the day I gave birth to my girl
Here are the sonogram pics from when I had my amnio..and the grandad I never knew in his railroad uniform
My life is here.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Last night.....

Lil one and her best friend were playing video games in my bedroom..and when I went to go to bed found them curled up like this on the floor...LOL
Mine is on the left..her friend is on the right..
I had to run and get the camera...LOL

Sunday, December 10, 2006

March 11th at the Bank Atlantic Center

Got tickets for NICKELBACK...WOOO HOOOO. with Breaking Benjamin and ...Three Days Grace.
The lead singers voice is amazing...and this is one of my favorite songs ...

"(I Hate) Everything About You
"Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven’t missed you yet
Every roommate kept awake
By every sigh and scream we make
All the feelings that I get
But I still don't miss you yet
Only when I stop to think about it
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven’t missed you yet
Only when I stop to think about it
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
Only when I stop to think About you,
I know Only when you stop to think About me,
do you know I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
You hate everything about me
Why do you love me
I hateYou hate I hate
You love me
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you

And one of their more current songs that I also adore
I kind of identify with this one...more than a little
"Animal I Have Become"
I can't escape this hell
So many times i've tried
But i'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal, this animal)
I can't escape myself(I can't escape myself)
So many times i've lied(So many times i've lied)
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell
(This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal I have become)

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Weather report from the tropics

Lovely breezy gray day here.currently 66 degrees Its not gray weather here its a nice change. Its the kind of breezy that makes the palm fronds rustle together...whispering their palmy secrets to each other.The sun is trying to burn thru the clouds...we'll have to see who wins. These two palms are in my front yard. When you go to the beach however..the palms there are coco palms..and the sound they make is much different. Its like fine raspy paper crackling against each as the breeze blows. Distinctive..and often accompanied by the calls of beach birds including monk parakeets. We have monk parakeets here too...I love watching them zoom around the sky in their bright green packs..

Thursday, December 07, 2006

For Rhapsody..regarding comment..

Your comment on the Mariposa post..

Rhapsody says...Wow!!! Again!!!!

I said...yes...but forgot to say...

Big difference this time Peg...this ones a potential keeper!


Monday, November 20, 2006

Kimchee my hummer

How magical is this Kimchee..
I bought two new feeders for the i can alternate them regularly

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Single mom

Well it shouldn't surprise me that he has made little effort to see our daughter. The only time since he moved out was on HIS birthday, so I guess he needed a dinner companion.That hurts me....and I can't begin to wonder what it does to our daughter.Sigh...anyway, I am alone here and still trying to adjust, but I'm the grand scheme of things.Lonely but good....but hell I was lonelier when I was with him than I am now.
Remember, I still have hope..I must.

Its not on this album, but this song is one of my favorites amongst Dans music and poetry

Lessons Learned:
You...with the past at your back and the future unsure
Asked for the chance to try love once more
Well aware of the consequences should the dream fall through
You threw down your last defenses wanting to try something new
Wanting to try something new
You found me in a sea of confusion drifting with the tide
Living on love that had long since died
But everytime that I touch you, baby
I feel a little more alive
And I'm reminded how much you've made me
Believe in the love that survives
You know, we must believe in the love that survives
[Chorus:]Oh lessons learned are like bridges burned
You only need to cross them but once
Is the knowledge gained worth the price of the pain?
Are the spoils worth the cost of the hunt?
Are the spoils worth the cost of the hunt?
Borne on the first warm winds of feeling newly found
Fly but remember don't look down
Take as much as you think you ought to
Give just as much as you can
Don't forget what your failures have taught you
Or else you'll learn them all over again
Or else you'll have to learn them all over again
Oh lessons learned are like bridges burned
You only need to cross them but once
Is the knowledge gained worth the price of the pain?
Are the spoils worth the cost of the hunt?
Are the spoils worth the cost of the hunt?

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Janes Addiction

Came on a while ago fave song....And god knows I have to dance when I hear it.. It is simply infectious
This is from an old album, Ritual de lo Habitual...
Been Caught stealing
I've been caught stealing;
once when I was 5...
I enjoy stealing.
It's just as simple as that.
Well, it's just a simple fact.
When I want something,
I don't want to pay for it.
I walk right through the door.
Walk right through the door.
Hey all right!
If I get by, it's mine. Mine all mine!
My girl, she's one too.
She'll go and get her a shirt.
Stick it under her skirt.
She grabbed a razor for me.
And she did it just like that.
When she wants something,
She don't want to pay for it.
She walk right through the door.
Walk right through the door.
Hey all right!
If I get by, it's mine. Mine all mine!
We sat around the pile.
We sat and laughed.
We sat and laughed and Waved it into the air!
And we did it just like that.
When we want something,
We don't want to pay for it.
We walk right through the door.
Walk right through the door.
Hey, all right!
If I get by, it's mine, Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine...

Friday, November 10, 2006

Separated: An ending and a beginning

Tomorrow is my birthday, my first single in fifteen years
Its a weird feeling. Tonite my lil one and I are going out to dinner together to celebrate, tomorrow her dad will pick her up and take her . I'm not lonely tho in the lonely alone sense..because I was lonely as hell when I was with my being alone and not having to answer to him is , at this moment a blessed relief.
Now I only answer to my four lil one and the three doggies. :-)

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Kimchee returns!!!!

And was seen just this morning sipping from this very Firespike I planted for him.
He has arrived at almost the same time this year as last..right after Wilma

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Ok..I can't resist more Spikey, salty goodness

He so is hotness personified...the ultimate "Big Bad" the leather wearing, fangy lover extra'ordinare...Sigh...
I want me a Spike.. it SO ain't happening..but a girl can dream can't she..
He's almost as hot as Billy Bob..

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Okay..I will put something I wrote myself on here

as i sit and watch you
time passes yet stands still
i imagine the lines of your face
the curve of your lips
i see the heart you try so hard to hide
and i mourn the loss of what could have,
should have been
so i sit and watch you
and know you watch me too

Tuesday, October 24, 2006


Has no face..only a heartbeat
has no rules
Only a passion
Love is blameless..and full of passion
for that which it finds blameless

Twu wuv....

Have you seen the princess bride?
true love..Is all that matters
wait..Let me say it the true princess bride way...
Wuv....twu wuv..
LOL I adore Inigo..I have a t shirt with "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die"

Sunday, October 22, 2006

My eyes are tired...

The hospital went live with online clinical documentation for everything we do as far as charting and ventilator checks..treatments etc.
I'm used to it from my prior hospital, but between the work and reading emails with my well loved spuffy smut really puts a strain on my eyes.
Thank god my friend , my baby comes back to work this week. I felt so incredibly lonely without her the last two weeks.
Her support is so important to me.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Working out my frustrations

I have been faithful at working out again for the last many weeks, working out my frustrations G rated plus. I have poured even more effort into this in the last two weeks..and I feel so much physically better, tighter firmer and more like the old me. I am not going to weigh myself, because I'll know by how my clothes fit how progress is going. I am up to four sets on most exercises except for a few, and thats likely due to the bad fall I had several weeks ago. As a matter of fact, judge my fitness beginning by my blog post on the huh? Anyway today was the first day in two weeks I was able to increase my number of sit ups. I do them on the exercise ball for max I am finally up to 70...whew...for some reason was stuck at sixty for those two weeks. And you can bounce a quarter off my thats SWEET..So even if my emotional life is roller coaster of disaster, I have regained more control over my BODY. I will keep reporting in on my progress, and when I reach goal may even post a picture of myself...:-) Now if only I can run again..

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Living with a chemical imbalance part 3

I grew up always feeling flawed. I was different...ALWAYS...From everyone else. My sister was popular , the cheerleader, dated all thru school. Damaged goods to quote a certain man.
I was the wallflower, the girl who absorbed knowledge like a sponge...I was the girl who blurted out in English class...Mr K mentions the di Medici family..And I blurt out" Oh..That's the family that sponsored Michelangelo" Silly me, I had read a book on Mike..And to this day he is my hands down favorite artist for numerous reasons. Maybe because when I was four, I saw the Pieta at the NY worlds fair....Who knows..
Oh yeah ,,,the guys dug me.NOT.. Everyone stared at me..EVERYONE...including Mr K with his big sweet grin.
Mr K loved me...LOL..But the other kids...Not so much.
So time passed...passed me by in many ways. I didn't date at all in school, and my first boyfriend, at 18, was a friend of my sisters ( the mamas boy) My first love ( not at all in retrospect) and my first EVERYTHING if you get my PG drift..sheesh...
My next serious relationship didn't really occur until I met my future DH..And he was the first and only man to ever pursue me. a heady and amazing feeling to a woman of 33 who has never been good enough for any other man.
My girlfriend once told me that I put off an aura of ....Don't touch...A barrier
maybe I was trying to protect myself?
different is dead...
so I tried to pretend and fit in..I tried to do the mom thing and resented so much of it, because truth be told I never wanted kids, I didn't want to screw anyone up as badly as I was..And at least I stopped at one ( I was determined to stop at one, I knew my emotional limits)
I remember looking at my new born and thinking...You'll never wonder if I love you, and you won't have to share me with anyone..I'll always love you best..
Right this very moment I feel very weak and damaged, and my much vaunted carpe diem and just choose to dance attitude has taken a mortal blow I fear.
I feel like a rudderless boat....drifting and panicked at the thought of no land in safe harbor..No heart filled home.
The upcoming holidays fill me with dread at this point. The holidays should be a time of togetherness, love and family. I will be spending thanksgiving alone, and by my choice since I could certainly join my sisters family with my mom and my handicapped sister.
I have to be relearned quickly..I have lots of past practice..

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

What is hope?

Websters says this: Hope is to desire with expectation of obtainment
What is fear? Websters says this: Fear is to be afraid or apprehensive
What is faith? Websters says this: Faith is firm belief in something for which there is no proof
And lastly, what is Love?
Websters says this: Love is strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests
After interminable thought and angst experienced over the last few days, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot live without Hope. I had thought to extinguish Hope so to save myself more heartache, but find I cannot.
I need to have Faith in the Love that I feel.
If one loses Hope..One loses everything. Hope is the basis for human existence, and if I don't allow myself to feel Hope, regardless of how foolish or futile it may seem, I may as well depart this mortal coil.
So I Hope for my true love to have Faith in me, and Fear not. I have to Hope...I have nothing else left.

Hope springs eternal in the human breast;
Man never Is, but always To be blest:
The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.-
Alexander Pope,An Essay on Man,
Epistle I, 1733

Embarking on a new venture

Put a stop to the efforts to stymie my path back to physical fitness. I am only eating my own prepared food now, since there isn't anyone to cook for me anymore..thank god. I am eliminating the bad in my life one step at a time. If I am going to feel good about myself I need to get back into the shape I was in 18 months ago..and I will be. Altho I don't expect any soul matiness at this point, its still going to be nice to fit back in to my clothes and maybe get an appreciative look here and there.
My main goal to run again. I've spent over half my life running,,twenty plus years and I miss it and the mental peace it gave me.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

This poor Orchid

Is my newest denobrium..and soon after I brought it home..the leaves began to yellow and fall off..It still flowers, but looks sad and neglected...sort of how I feel right now too. I don't know if I can save it..or myself.

Today, a rude awakening..

Its hell to discover you've been played for a fool..really played..
Not sure why, but does that really matter?
I what I thought was my answer was convinced tell the truth because it was too good to be true..that yin to my yang..something I'd waited my whole life for..and I guess I was wrong.
But its the last time...this I swear. I'd rather be alone forever than strip my soul bare and hold out my heart like a beating gift only to have it shoved back into my longer beating, drained and pale
This has only reinforced my long held conviction that I must be paying off some great awful karmic debt from some past life. Why else would the answer to an ernest prayer be nothing more than a puff of smoke, an illusion and something that cracked and hurt so hard that I am having trouble breathing? Happiness has eluded me my entire life, and why I am surprised to have it slip out of my fingers again is SO beyond my ken right now.
I turned to my lawn....cleansing as hell to mow and cry at the same time..everything sweating out thru every available place.
Do I feel better?
But at least I feel numb and empty right now..
and far from amazing.
"Amazing Grace,
how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
T'was Grace that heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.

I see alright...I see now..
Sorry for the downer post, for any of the faithful who read my blog..

Monday, October 16, 2006

Music and my life with it..

When I was a youngster.(cue creaky joints) influenced so much of my emotional life. Its always been important, but I am finding that in the last few years...has become a much more profound emotional part of my life. I have gradually segued into what is a metal type of alternative..I think...I'm not sure what to label my music enjoyment since it doesn't seem to fall under one simple heading. I am currently experiencing Staind from beginning to most recent albumn...and when I drove to and from Orlando I immersed myself in them. Again let me say..keep your Britney Spears and the other talentless hacks..I am so drawn to true poets...those who share their feelings and emotions along with music...hard..soft..slow...all of it.. If I had that gift...and it is truly a gift..I would feel blessed.

"So Far Away"
this is my life
its not what it was before
all these feelings i've shared
and these are my dreams
that i'd never lived before
somebody shake me'cause i i must be sleeping
[chorus]now that we're here,
it's so far away
all the struggle we thought was in vain
all the mistakes,
one life contained
they all finally start to go away
now that we're here its so far away
and i feel like i can face the day
i can forgiveand i'm not ashamed
to be the person that i am today
these are my words
that i've never said before
i think i'm doing okay
and this is the smile that i've never shown
before somebody shake me
'cause i must be sleeping
now that we're here,
it's so far away
all the struggle we thought was in vain
all the mistakes,one life contained
they all finally start to go away
now that we're here its so far away
and i feel like i can face the day
i can forgiveand i'm not ashamed
to be the person that i am today
i'm so afraid of waking
please don't shake me
afraid of waking
please don't shake me
now that we're here ,
it's so far away
all the struggle we thought was in vain
all the mistakes,one life contained
they all finally start to go away
now that we're here its so far away
and i feel like i can face the day
i can forgiveand i'm not ashamed
to be the person that i am today

Memories that are sweet....

Surprisingly involve Discovery Channels Shark Week.
When my lil one was a toddler...actually maybe five or six..we had a routine..
She would take a bath..get her footie pajamas on and we would climb into bed together. Any given night we would watch t.v with me..propped up on my "husband" ( which is a back rest with arms, don't ask me why its called a husband) she would curl up on the bed next to me...with her own quilt over her, head on my legs and we would watch nature. name it. She was and still is endlessly fascinated with nature to the point that she still to this day, says she wants to be a marine biologist..Living here in the tropics there are many opportunites for her to achieve that goal..altho frankly she could do it from anywhere in the country.
Such sweet memories..where we shared a common love of the natural world.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

The magical smell of brewing coffee...

When I was a kid..we always had a pot of coffee on the stove. Daddy's rule finish the pot you make another one. Even as kids, my sister and I had coffee cups of our own. We had an old fashioned glass percolator...and as an adult I always had one in my house too. Main reason..if the power went out, you could light the gas stove and make coffee in your glass percolator. The smell of coffee perking or brewing...heaven. One of the sweetest scents on earth. And the fascination of watching as the pot began to bubble and brew. Seeing the water bubble up and flow thru the grounds...And despite being fairly intelligent, I still don't understand why the water bubbles up thru the pipe in the center...LOL...I mean...I know the theory, but why it really happens? Got me

My bed this past weekend

At the EmbassySuites Conference Center South in Orlando for a professional conference.
The bedroom looked like this and when you entered there is a sitting room with a kitchen area..fridge and microwave..couch tv etc..
It was a mind altering experience, which I will share with those who were altered in MY mind
The conference was good, they treated us well and the hotel staff was very good.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Joe Walsh added something to The Eagles...

on Hotel California..his distinctive guitar and voice just added a new dimension to their already incredible music.His guitar sings thru along with the lyrics on this many times...when I would run...this song would cadence thru my head.
And this has to be...if not my fave Eagles song...then one of my faves...

Try And Love Again
When you're out there on your own
Where your memories can find you
Like a circle goes around
You were lost until you found out
What it all comes down to
One by one The lonely feelings come
Day by day,they slowly fade away
Ooh, the look was in her eyes
you never know what might be found there
She was dancing right in time
And the looks she made so fine
Like the music that surrounds her
Should I stay or go?
I really want to know
Would I loose or win
If I try and love again?
gonna try and love again
I'm gonna try and love again
gonna try and love gonna try and love
Right or wrong, what's done is done
It's only moments that we borrow
But the thoughts will linger on
of the lady and her song
When the sun comes up tomorrow
Well, it might take years
to seeThrough all these tears
Don't let go
When you find it you will know
Oh,Gonna try and love again gonna try and love again
Sometimes lose, sometimes win,Sometimes you need a friend
gonna try, gonna trygonna try, gonna try,(etc.)

Sunday, October 08, 2006

If you like Pina Coladas...

My family knew his . Rupert Holmes first big commercial hit was this song..and i love it to this day..
Artist: Rupert Holmes LyricsSong: Escape (The Pina Colada Song) LyricsI was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long.Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song.So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed.And in the personals column, there was this letter I read:"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me, and escape."I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean.But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine.So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad.And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half-bad."Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne.I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape.At a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape."So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place.I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face.It was my own lovely lady, and she said, "Oh, it's you."And we laughed for a moment, and I said, "I never knew".."That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape. You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape.""If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."

Saturday, October 07, 2006

What kid didn't have one?

Remember Gumbys Playhouse? Gumby and Pokey were so cool...zipping in and out of books..having adventures and dodging the evil Block Heads..LOL
Remember Davy and Goliath? In retrospect I think Goliath was toking some weed cause he always sounded like he was talking in slllooooowwww mmmoootttiiiioooonnnnnnnn....LOL
Claymation was an amazing thing to me as a kid..who knew computers would come along and put such inventive creation right out of business..
It just got creepy if the wire poked out of your Gumby....not of the no no

Friday, October 06, 2006

More hotness from "Lost"

So here they two favorite guys...
Charlie with the lovely accent and very lovely nicknames...I ADORE NICKNAMES..that are regional and colloquial because I think that in new york most of ours are profanities..
As for the most smooth and shiny Mr Ecko...well...
pecs..hams...WHATEVAH...his voice is like the smooth ivory...
I worked for the best dr...who was from Ghana. His english was impeccable and articulate with a blurred english, european accent. When he spoke it was like poetry...the flow and ebb of his voice...just like poetry.
Mr Ecko has a similar African accent...just lovely...
Warms me cockles it does..

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Altho I never saw my Daddy drunk...

He enjoyed himself a Ballantine beer with his Parliament Cigs..
Thats pure childhood memory..along with his pocket tshirts...his work boots and his denim work jacket he wore in the winter. Daddy was older than everyone elses pop...he was born in 1915 and I was born in '58
As a kid, Daddy used to take me along with him on his late night snow plow runs. He was not a huggy kissy guy, but a generous sharing man. I would hook up the plow for him..putting in the bolts and cotter pins...then toss my lil shovel in the back of the truck. Off we would go to plow..
He would do the main part of the driveways, and I would catch the edges and walkways and he paid me DAMN GOOD . I think five bucks a night...pure nirvana to a kid in the sixties.
I remember sitting in the cab of that ole truck...the wipers flicking back and forth with the roar of the inadequate heater...watching the snow slash across the road..
I could hear the snow chains rattle on his tires...
And didn't know to appreciate the pay he gave me for jobs he didn't tell me were freebies. The older widow women he kept an eye on in memory of their he plowed their driveways for nothing..
He was one of a kind, my Daddy. Thats why I hyphenate my last honor his memory.
He deserves to be remembered

Johnny West was a passion when I was little

For Christmas one year...My sister ( she who shall not be named) got me Johnny..Jamie the entire ranch and two horses with all the gear.
I was her favorite..( she who shall not be named) because my other sister L was a love child to my parents marriage.
I was mad for all things western and tomboyish...I loved My Friend Flicka..The Cisco Kid, gosh you name it..If it had hooves and whinnied I was there..
Anyway..I didn't get rid of Johnny and Co. Until we moved here. Too bad I didn't think of eBay, cause I still had the boxes...Etc..For the dolls...Including Chief Cherokee their native American pal..
Remember Rhapsody?
Somehow I didn't hang onto the wimmin folk....rofl..just the menfolk.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Rose in a beer bottle, native art at its finest.....

Instructions for those of you at home can enjoy your very own
"Rose in a beer bottle"
1)have a blooming rose bush handy
2)have a (A.K.A. many) cold beer handy
3)drink said cold beer(s)
4)fill unrinsed bottle with water
5)cut a rose off your handy blooming rose bush

Don't be imtimidated by the skill level I took many many many cold beers to master this art.

November 28th, 1974

I was witness to something amazing. It was Thanksgiving day, and I was attending my first concert. I was just 16, and excited beyond belief to be in Madison Square Garden to see Elton John.
Part way thru the show, he announced he had a special guest...The place began buzzing...Who was it?...John Lennon.
I have never....EVER...heard such a sound..A roar that was like nothing I've ever experienced since.
John Lennon...JOHN LENNON...I actually saw John Lennon, one of the Beatles.
They sang three songs..finishing up with Lennon announcing they were going to sing a song they he didn't sing originally, Paul did...They launched into I saw her Standing there...
OMG...I still get goosebumps when I remember this..A stadium full of people who all knew the words to that classic beatle song...Everyone on their feet...Howling for lennon..
After he left the stage, and Elton performed Don't let the sun go down on me,,,the place was completely lit with matches..Lighters...It was a moment frozen in time....And turned out to be pivotal in lennons as I found out later.
That night, he and yoko ono reunited..And that night was lennons last live performance. As he prepared to release double fantasy, he was murdered.
I'll never forget it.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Typical look for the Florida sky.......

During rainy season

When I was young.....

Life was innocent, black and white.
On saturdays we'd watch the Lil Rascals/Our Gang...Alfalfa would sing I'm thru with love...I'll never fall again...say love...
Andy and Barney patrolled mayberry, and Superman patrolled Metropolis.
Cap'n Jack Mcarthy brought us the Three Stooges, There was Diver Dan and Popeye.
The Bowery Boys...omg...I adored Satch.
Everything seemed so simple and basic..just like that spike of hair on Alfalfas head...His "personality"
Right now nothing seems simple.

Don't feel well

Stomach all riled up, head stuffy and feverish. Wanna run away but got nowhere to run right this minute.

Saturday, September 30, 2006


Work completed in the sense that I weeded pruned and hung my hummer feeder. I am anxious to see if Kimchee will grace my yard again this winter. And the camera was tilted...not my yard..LOL..ooohhhh see me in the slider taking the picture? Straw hat and all.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Where I used to live

This is the lodge at Bear Mountain state park. The link shows you the Bear Mountain Bridge. Prior to leaving NY, my sister and I would take our daughters ice skating here. There is an outdoor rink, that runs all winter. There are panoramic views of the Hudson River, the Bridge and the mountains including Anthonys Nose and Storm King.
I remember going there when it was FREEZING out..Skating to rock..classical...You name it. They played music and when it was cold...And snowed while you were skating...WOW..
The Inn also hosted conferences that I attended...What a great place to go for a conference huh?
I also had one of my first dates here..Walking around Hessian Lake ( which is behind the Inn) holding hands with the mamma's boy...OMG..To be 18 again..Knowing what I know now.
And my first make out session ( also with the mamma's boy ) by a fishing station in Harriman state park which is basically attached to Bear Mountain.. Sue me...I didn't start till the decent age of 18 LOL
Mountains, stars and tonsil hockey...Sounds fun! With someone different this time of course..!!!
Possum Kingdom by The Toadies
Make up your mind
Decide to walk with me
Around the lake tonight
Around the lake tonight
By my side
By my side
I'm not gonna lie
I'll not be a gentleman
Behind the boathouse
I'll show you my dark secret
I'm not gonna lie
I want you for mine
My blushing bride
My lover, be my lover, yeah...
Don't be afraid
I didn't mean to scare you
So help me, Jesus
I can promise you
You'll stay as beautiful
With dark hair
And soft skin...forever
Make up your mind
Make up your mind
And I'll promise you
I will treat you well
My sweet angel
So help me, Jesus
(hey, hey, hey)
Give it up to me
Give it up to me
Do you wanna be
My angel?
So help me!
Be my angel
Be my angel
Do you wanna die?
I promise you
I will treat you well
My sweet angel
So help me,

Were it not that I had....bad dreams

Last night..restless and painful. A swirl of different scenarios...all bad ones. Anger, fighting..loss.
I find my dreams are a definite reflection of my emotions. Good dreams are due to a definite good feeling about someone or something.
Bad dreams are usually a reflection of my mindset.
I drank wine last night which I am trying SO hard not to do.
But I had a bad day at work...good excuse right?
Sigh..Hence the dreams I'm sure.
You can push reality away with alcohol...but reality is sitting right where you left the back of your mind just waiting to erupt..
Thank God I don't usually have days of these types of dreams.
I prefer good the one I had a couple of nights ago....

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

It rains here like I've never seen it rain before..anywhere

When it rains here IT POURS...The skys open and simply dumps the rain down

Took a mental health day today

And decided I'm going to mow the lawn and work on my barbie tan
I took the time however to take these pics. One is my Miss Ann Angels Trumpet and the other is the native green passionflower. By taking into account that its on a chain link fence...the perspective really lets you see how small the flowers are. These shots were taken prior to the mow..and omg...I just came back in and it was HOT outside..90degrees..I kept taking shade breaks. I was all set up..garage door open...chair with fan aimed at it..water...
whew..Ya'll should see me in my straw hat...Its Minnie Pearl minus the price a lil floppier, but it does the job of keeping the sun off my already freckly face
I am such a white girl it isn't funny..I'll burn easy if I'm not careful.
Anyway, I just came inside to cool off and I'm treating myself to a cold mich ultra amber. Friday is weeding and trim day..I have allowed the spiders free reign for long enough, they are good for the garden, but I need to destroy their webs so I can trim and weed...
I'll take before and afters so everyone can see ...especially my "hummer" corner.
Aren't they gorgeous?

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Lest you doubt it....

When asked if I thought that two damaged souls could complement each other and work together...I said yes..
The reason I believe that to be true, is I tried normal...and normal ain't all its cracked up to be. Sometimes a square peg is just meant to snug into a spot that isn't square.. . I'm a great believer in grabbing a chance before it flys away. How else can you live, if you don't. I won't live a "what if" life.
Its why I don't hold back words of love, if they are meant from the heart.
You never know what tomorrow don't regret or sorrow over the unsaid or undone.BTW I had a chance to see Edwin McCain and I regret to say I didn't feel good that night, it was a small club in Lauderdale too.
sigh...too bad huh?

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
Chorus:I'll Be your cryin' shoulder
I'll Be loves suicide
I'll Be better when I'm older
I'll Be the greatest fan of your life
And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're My Survival,
You're My Living Proof
My love is alive and not dead
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
I'll Be your cryin' shoulder I'll Be loves suicide
I'll Be better when I'm older
I'll Be the greatest fan of your life
And I've dropped out, I've burned up, I fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said
I'll Be your cryin' shoulder
I'll Be loves suicide
I'll Be better when I'm older
I'll Be the greatest fan of your life
The greatest fan of your life.

Well I don't see dead people ...but....

I do have a "VOICE".
The first time I really heard it...and paid attention it likely saved my life. I was driving back to my apartment after a good long run at the lake. I was stopped at a red light on Rte 303 in Congers (Rhapsody will know that dangerous intersection) when the light changed to green. I began to put my foot on the gas when I suddenly heard a voice say STOP!
I stopped. An 18 wheel truck ran the red light and if I had been moving forward the truck would have tboned me.
The woman on the other side of the intersection was sitting at her steering wheel with her hands over her eyes.
It was that close.
I think of it as a guardian angel...whatever that means, and if I don't listen something usually makes me sorry I didn't. Even the smallest thing...which route to drive home, which parking space to take.
I can go months without that voice, or feeling...
Whatever...I listen.
And I'm not crazy, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night

Sharing my experience

It was Oct of 2002. I was staying at the beach in Hollywood with my dgt and my mom and my sister. We were there for two weeks, and I was neighborhood hunting for our move.
I was worried..very worried about the massive undertaking of a move cross country. I needed to be close to my sister and mom..they are all the family I have. But worried nonetheless.
I prayed...out loud...Lord show me a sign if this is what I'm meant to do. Show me an eagle...a butterfly.....a hummingbird...a dolphin....
And before the word left my lips a pod of dolphin broke the calm surface of the ocean in front of me. In all the years I've been coming to the beach here, I'd never seen dolphin.
I ran inside the apartment and woke my daughter, bringing her outside to watch. It was about 6am or so...and we watched for an hour.
What do you think? Coincidence? God? All I know is that I am much happier here than I was in Ny. Florida brought me a heterolifemate in Laura..and a quasi daughter kid sister buddy in Kristani. And also if it weren't for my 'net buddies Claire and Deb I never would have survived the last three months I was alone in NY
So I think it was the sign I was asking for. I'm meant to be here.

I love Godsmack

So how do people end up together? Fate...not so sure about all of that, but sometimes God puts his finger in and stirs the pot. Of that much I'm sure. I'm definitely feeling that my existence is swirling around in circles right now.

"Shine Down"
So tired sleeping through the day
Bloodshot eyes and sweat from my body
And I picked my head up yesterday
Found the reason of hope left inside of me
But I still believe in immortal love
And I know there's someone above
Shine down, don't take it away from me, no
And I know you know how, yeah
Shine down, just give me a chance to feel it
It's taken forever to get me off the ground
Haunted silence overwhelming me
Deny takes it's toll on my sanity
And I know I've been away too long
All these years I've been hiding
I'm feeling I'm coming strong
But I still believe in immortal love
And I know there's someone that's up above
Show me a path to find my way
And give me a reason pray
Shine down, don't take it away from me, no
And I know you know how, yeah
Shine down, just give me a chance to feel it
It's taken forever to get me off the ground
Shine down, don't take it away from me, no
And I know you know how, yeah
And shine down, just give me a chance to feel itI
t's taken forever to get me off the ground
Shine downShine downOh, shine down
Oh baby, yeah, yeah, yeah
Shine downOh, shine down
Oh, shine down
Oh baby shine down

Monday, September 25, 2006

So....Who were my crushes?

Beside Billy Bob? evil grin....
Here was one...Bobby Sherman from Here Come the Brides...Remember Rhapsody?
altho I adored Jason the oldest brother the bestest...LOL
DH ( DearHunny) asked me who my childhood crushes were.
Superman ( Mr Reeves of course and not Christopher, but the original)
Batman.. Julie Julie Julie do ya love me????? LOL
OMG Kato from the Green Hornet ( who knew who Bruce Lee
Gene Barry from Burkes Law
Ilya Kuriakin from the Man from Uncle..
Mark whatever the hell his last name was from The Girl from
Tim from my favorite Martian
also from the courtship of eddies father
mike nesmith from the monkeys
omg i just remember Manolito from High Chaparral...
hmmmmm.....That was up till 7th grade...Then David carradine took over with his kung fu moves...
my next HUGE obsession was john Denver, then Elton john...And I know rhapsody can identify with that...We shared EVERYTHING then..Including crushes..
Ok..this requires further thought...

Off to work shortly

Found this pic I wanted something peaceful...some serenity to look at.
Anyway, todays effort will be CALM
If I didn't know any better, I'd think I have P.M.S.
Despite Lord Paxil I do still have some breakthroughs of that...sad but true.
I will need all my strength in the battle against Rhapsody and Hominy...foes in scrabble who will likely now gang up and BOTH kick my ass.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

William Shakespeares sonnets...

Some are trite...some are just lovely in rhythm and feel...Here is 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments.
Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
William Shakespeare
(1564 - 1616)