Monday, January 29, 2007

Odd dream


Last night that ended up with me surviving being lost at sea/ocean/lake...glades...who knows what...it was WATER..
I ended up in a hotel where the rain leaked thru the ceiling on my broken leg.
I apparently had this broken leg and it didn't hurt until I saw the bone protruding thru the skin.
I dreamed that my ex turned into Tom Cruise..shudder....I dreamed I was working in a hospital different than the one I currently work in, and that they were calling CodeBlue and I couldn't get there. I dreamed I was being courted by a guy I know ( a P.A. I see in the hospital ) who I have no interest in, and his words of romance were...and I quote
"I was acting like butter that wouldn't melt, now I know better"
If any of you were fans of Twins peaks...you will understand that at any moment I expected a dancing dwarf speaking backwards.
And at one awful point I dreamed I was begging for someone to take me to the hospital about my leg..and crying...trying to find a pair of socks and saying I can't do this without him..I can't.
Him knows who him is..
And damn it all ...NO SOCKS..
Thruout my life, my stress has always shown up in my dreams. Vivid, full of detail and color, right down to the point that I felt the beginning ache of pain where my broken leg was swollen. I believe its a healthy thing in a way. It releases the poison thoughts. And work has become a major source of worry. Management changes are frightening.
End of the dream was me...working on a piece of oak tag. I think it was oak tag. Anyway I was writing out thoughts and things dating them with time too..for Marc
I remember the last part writing with yellow marker.
Thats it..

Friday, January 26, 2007

Desk Set


One of my favorite movies...as well as Rhapsodys
Was just watching it on TCM...its one of the best...

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I have these in my yard


Ameiva ameiva; Amazon Whiptail

They are fast as hell, very skittish unless doing the "deed" during which they look quite pissed off but do NOT run away...LOL
I surprised one ...or should I say we surprised each other one day when I was moving a hanging plant ..ACK..
They are a non native species that one sees here in Broward county.
My attitude is, leave me alone and I will leave you alone.

Dream a little dream of me






Dream A Little Dream of Me.


Stars shining bright above you,
Night breezes seem to whisper, "I love you";
Birds singin' in the sycamore tree;
Dream a little dream of me...

Say "nighty-night" and kiss me,
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me;
While I'm alone and blue as can be,
Dream a little dream of me...

Stars fading, but I linger on, dear,
Still craving your kiss;
I'm longing to linger til dawn, dear,
Just saying this:

Sweet dreams til sun beams find you,
Sweet dreams that leave our worries behind you;
But in your dreams, whatever they be,
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading, but I linger on, dear,
Still craving your kiss;
I'm longing to linger til dawn dear,
Just saying this:

Sweet dreams til sun beams find you,
Sweet dreams that leave our worries far behind you;
But in your dreams, whatever they be,
Dream a little dream of me

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

What is true love?


Is it roses and sunshine?
Is it ease and grace?
Is true love the path of niceties and effortless passion?
No
Love is pain and suffering. Love is grace and passion. Love is anger and grief. Love is stroking, caressing, touching.
Love is a vast sea of feeling, and a vast wasteland of nothingingness if that love is not returned.
But...those who love well, if not always wisely, feel the strongest of passions, emotions, pains, sorrows and joys.
Love is all this..and more. Not less..
And I would sacrifice anything, give up a more than just a moment..to be able to feel the love that I feel.
Grace is ageless, pain has its limits, and love knows no beginning or end...it simply is.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Belle today


You would be amazed how quickly they grow out into pineapples..but then once they are real pineapples..it slows down...

Friday, January 19, 2007

Further stories of my youth


I've added this pic to give me some calm and peace as I think...and ponder on this post.
Add to when my Daddy was sickening..when I was about fifteen, my sisters husband was hit in the head at work. He ran a bowling alley at a facility for the brain damaged and retarded...and the pin set machine came down ..on his head
They didn't have the sophisticated equipment that they have now..and a week later he suffered a massive stroke. He was 34
I spent innumerable hrs with rhapsody babysitting my toddler niece and new born nephew while my sister spent her hrs at the hospital.
weeks on end...we thought he'd die. In awful retrospect, he should have.
He ended up in rehab..permanently brain damaged. my sister unknown to her, was pregnant, and had an early delivery of a malformed child who was baptized prior to his death.
My bil ended up a bitter brain damaged man, an unrepentant abusive alcoholic who well taught my sister to be a leach, a liar and a useless dead weight on society.
I watched those kids daily..for weeks when I was in high school. I often went next door to my sisters to see my cousin Louis and his family
Louis died later that year from intestinal cancer...leaving a wife and three young kids
I was also in nursing school with rhapsody at the same time..and trying to juggle everything..EVERYTHING..
Daddy was not well...crap..mom was in constant denial..
again
How do you think I ended up coming home from Washington D.C. and taking care of Daddy?
So...again I ask...why do bad things happen
I asked a guy who believed in new age mysticism. he told me that my daddy was paying for karma in a prior life..as was I
I wanted to tell him to go eff himself
I feel like I've paid my way as I've gone..
No harm no foul..I'm in noones debt

Wondering why....


Silly me, why life is so unfair at times.
When I was a little girl, my daddy worked two jobs. He worked full time as a security guard for Lederle Labs, and part time building houses with his nephew George. This was worked around the fact that he also worked rotating shifts thruout the three different ones needed.
My bedroom furniture was second hand, as was my winter coat. We didn't have central heating in the house until I was in Junior High, and I remember many a cold night shivering in front of the one source of heat upstairs in the house, a gas heater with a blower.
However, this is not a story of complaint about those things, but the fact that my daddy was a good man, and the best father he could be. And he started getting sick when I was young as well.
It was a variety of ailments..then Parkinson's Disease. The dreams he and Mom had of retiring to Florida never came about. By the time I was 23 he had dementia, either senile dementia or dementia caused by his medication.
He often didn't recognize me, and lost the ability to control his bladder and bowels on occasion, needed bathing and assistance with most of his every day living.
This was by the time I was 23. And I knew it all because I did it all for him.
So...I wonder why...a good man, who loved kids and animals...loved his family and worked hard without complaint..why did he suffer?
You got me.
I just realize that good men suffer, and that there must be a reason. There just has to be a reason. It can't be random or meaningless, because then there would be no beauty in the world.
Nor love
Nor passion
Nor laughter
Nor friendship
Nor the marriage of true minds..

As the man says here quite beautifully, eloquently and succinctly

Let me not to the marriage of true minds (Sonnet CXVI)


Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

-- William Shakespeare

Thursday, January 18, 2007

A mans requirements


Yes I took this picture in case anyone wonders..
This was read to me beautifully one afternoon






Man's Requirements


I

Love me Sweet, with all thou art,
Feeling, thinking, seeing;
Love me in the lightest part,
Love me in full being.

II

Love me with thine open youth
In its frank surrender;
With the vowing of thy mouth,
With its silence tender.

III

Love me with thine azure eyes,
Made for earnest grantings;
Taking colour from the skies,
Can Heaven's truth be wanting?

IV

Love me with their lids, that fall
Snow-like at first meeting;
Love me with thine heart, that all
Neighbours then see beating.

V

Love me with thine hand stretched out
Freely -- open-minded:
Love me with thy loitering foot, --
Hearing one behind it.

VI

Love me with thy voice, that turns
Sudden faint above me;
Love me with thy blush that burns
When I murmur 'Love me!'

VII

Love me with thy thinking soul,
Break it to love-sighing;
Love me with thy thoughts that roll
On through living -- dying.

VIII

Love me in thy gorgeous airs,
When the world has crowned thee;
Love me, kneeling at thy prayers,
With the angels round thee.

IX

Love me pure, as muses do,
Up the woodlands shady:
Love me gaily, fast and true,
As a winsome lady.

X

Through all hopes that keep us brave,
Farther off or nigher,
Love me for the house and grave,
And for something higher.

XI

Thus, if thou wilt prove me, Dear,
Woman's love no fable,
I will love thee -- half a year --
As a man is able.

Banged my toe


It hurts

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

I have few answers but..


For DH

Anyone who brings beauty to the world adds to its measure
And you have brought beauty to mine.
Never give up, never..and remember you are not alone.
You are NEVER alone, not when I draw a breath
It makes me think of this song that I loved then and still do now. Its of young love and innocence, when dreams of marriage and forever happiness are all you can think about,,,however...it is a poem of longing, fantasy and what if..and man...wouldn't it be nice...


Wouldnt it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldnt have to wait so long
And wouldnt it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldnt it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together weve been spending
I wish that every kiss was neverending
Wouldnt it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldnt be a single thing we couldnt do
We could be married
And then we'd be happy

Wouldnt it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Wouldnt it be nice


And if I might add, ( as you always say) ten months is not so very long
And damn, it sure would be nice
Sail on Sailor

Today



Is warm and breezy..dark clouds..with scattered sun. Gorgeous Tropics..
I also discovered my other two pineapples are flowering, so all four will fruit this year. How cool is that?
The other two plants are Jan and Marcia...LOL LOL...just came to me...tapping chin..hmmmmmmmm wonder why.
Here is a fledgling flower

Monday, January 15, 2007

Chiquita and Belle



I will likely add pictures ad nauseum...LOL.. but I am so the excited and proud Mamita...

My tomato plants this morning


Covered in flowers and growing nicely

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Saturday morning.....tropics...



Well...I was rudely awakened by saws, hammering and the like, but when I saw it was the neighbors roof being finished, no more annoyed me.
I took care of my boys, did the dishes and made coffee.
Sat down at puter and read my email..including making yet another stellar move in scrabble against Rhapsody ( take that you scrabble harlot!!!) LOL
When I sit here, I will often stop and gaze out the sliders at the yard and the lake. It is such a beautiful restful view. The palm fronds are waving, the surface of the lake rippling with the breeze or the occassional fish. And I feel in inordinate amount of pride at the plants. All but approximately 2% of the plantings are mine. My babies, my pride and joy.
This is my view right now

Friday, January 12, 2007

Quite proud of my heritage....BUT.....


Jellied eels???? Ewwww with a big ole side helping of ICK...!!!
DAMN BRITS...lol.
Mom had the sense when she emigrated to leave english foods behind. This picture is from Margate, a seaside town where my Cousin Chris lives. When the girls were little they couldn't say Chris..they called him Unca Cwispy..
To this day he is Uncle Crispy...

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Off to get dog food


Before Falcon dies of hunger...LOL LOL
In order from the left..Pretty Boy, Falcon, Jackson

This morning in the Tropics


The tropics teem with life..and its beautiful. A car ride this morning from my house to lil ones school is typical in the abundance of the creatures seen here.
Prior to leaving, I watch a flock of muscovy duck fly over my lake to land..As I prepare to leave, I scare one of the large lizards that lives in my yard. Into the car and off to the school we go. On that drive, we pass flocks of Ibis feeding on lawns, I presume on bugs. We pass numerous canals..where the swirl and eddy of fish is seen, and of course I keep an eye open for 'gators..lol
As we make the turn on Sheridan, I always turn my head and look at the trees lining the canal. Every winter they return, and the trees edging the canal are filled with blue herons, simply perched and silent. Higher above yet along side them are the enormous orange tinged iguanas..feeding on the bamboo trees.
Suddenly I spot an endangered bird..and slow down and point it out to the kids..a Woodstork, slowly pacing the edge of the canal searching for a fish.
A bit further on..anhinga perched and drying its wings in the weak early morning sun.
And the sounds, the squawking of the monk parakeets as they shoot across the sky in packs, the caw and grate of the black birds who are preparing to nest and mate.
When I get back home, I step out of the truck and go admire my Miss Ann angels trumpet, its blooming with its yellow flowers, huge and nodding.
The wind pulses thru the palms..and I hear the whispery rasp of the fronds speaking to each other..
Another day in paradise. I love it here

Monday, January 08, 2007

One of my fave dives....LOL


Tarks. Lenny has got to be THE best fry cook ( almost as good as SpongeBob)
The wings...mmmmmmm....gator tail....mmmm......raw clams......and the coldest damn beer in town. The specials are generous and tasty as well...and the barmaid will call you Hon..and you won't care one lil bit..LOL
Its tiny and often tough to get into during the "Season" which we are currently right smack dab in the middle of. It has an old fashioned lunch counter with bar stools. The radio is strictly rock and the fried clam bellies are AWESOME...
P.S. If you check out their website, you can see the entire menu.
Its on federal highway..five mins from the beach
Heres a link if you are so inclined to share a portion of my life.
http://members.aol.com/__121b_HTjl9XXQT5p0Q5m8nFRRfKWapRGyDgZx5d14vHAVhdo=

Sunday, January 07, 2007

DH found it...


I give cred where it is due..
Here it is...Audre Lorde


















On A Night Of A Full Moon

Out of my flesh that hungers
and my mouth that knows
comes the shape I am seeking
for reason.
The curve of your waiting body
fits my waiting hand
your breasts warm as sunlight
your lips quick as young birds
between your thighs the sweet
sharp taste of limes.

Thus I hold you
frank in my heart's eye
in my skin's knowing
as my fingers conceive your flesh
I feel your stomach moving against me.

Before the moon wanes again
we shall come together.

And I would be the moon
spoken over your beckoning flesh
breaking against reservations
beaching thought
my hands at your high tide
over and under inside you
and the passing of hungers
attended, forgotten.

Darkly risen
the moon speaks
my eyes
judging your roundness
delightful.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

god this pisses me off


A few months ago I could do a search and find the whole of this poem. I wish I had saved it.
Just because Audre Lorde was a lesbian activist...does that make preserving her work any less valid..???
the poem in its entire is lyrical and erotic..and simply doesn't matter if you be gay or straight...

heres the only part I can find


Quotes from the work of Audre Lorde

"And I would be the moon spoken over your beckoning flesh, breaking against reservations, beaching thought, my hands at your high tide, over and under inside you, and the passing of hungers, attended...forgotten."
by Audre Lorde (1934-92)

Neruda......

Blue Angel..another gift from DH






I Crave Your Mouth, Your Voice, Your Hair


DON'T GO FAR OFF, NOT EVEN FOR A DAY
Don't go far off, not even for a day, because --
because -- I don't know how to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.

Don't leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.

Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don't leave me for a second, my dearest,

because in that moment you'll have gone so far
I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?


Pablo had a way with words...

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Belle Glade


Chiquita is fruiting again...and so is one of her stepsisters.
I didn't name Chiquita until she flowered...and I have been dithering about the other girl..
And truth be told...I have no idea why I chose the name Chiquita..
So...suddenly a name struck me.
One of the poorest communities here in florida is Belle Glade. It has one of the highest percentages of HIV infection if not THE highest, lowest per capita income..and totally owned and abused by the sugar industry.
So my new girl is Belle..She is loved, safe and fruiting without repression or disease..
I've been thru Belle Glade..the poverty in this day and age is horrifying.......
So...Belle it is
See Belles flower...